Hi there. It has been a while since I've posted, but it does not mean that my life is quiet. In fact my head is spinning with thoughts but none that easily get out of my head and are put into print. Sometimes I feel like a broken record, a circle that goes round and round. I've been writing putting words to paper-real paper, feeling the pen against the grain. That is where I've spent the past few weeks. This past week-end I visited my mother in Scottsdale. I've not seen her since her surgery and it was good to have her up and about. Dealing with issues of an aging parent is frustrating and scary. I've yet to figure out the positive in it. This is partly what I write about in my journal, a purging. I also write to find courage and I only find that by living through a day at a time and discovering that what I was so afraid of did not kill me. When thoughts stay in my mind they tend to grow and distort. Little bumps become mountains. That is the importance of my journal, it frees me. Words that belong in private, stored away out of my head. From "dear diary" of years ago, to colorful pages of today my journals are a source of pleasure, release and sanity.
There has not been much going on lately in my house. I marvel at the straggling roses in my neighbors yard, it is cold and dry yet an occasional beautiful flower springs forth. Everyday in my yoga class my instructor tells us to empty our minds, and set our intention for the coming day. I want to be like the rose, blooming in the cold and dry. Even when inspiration and motivation leaves me still moving forward and being ok. I have been busy making a few more journals but have not been inspired enough to open the pages. Putting paint, words and paper elements to the stark white pages seems daunting to me. If there is faith there is no room for fear. This week-end I get together with my art girl friends, there I will find the inspiration to break the ice.
There is nothing like the end of a year for one to reflect. I've spent some of the day thinking back on the past year, it was a full one. I had experiences I never anticipated when the new year started. Some of them good, some not so good. It is like traveling down a road, you never know what to expect. You can make plans, resolutions, set goals, and then life happens. It is how you handle that "life" that sets the course. Along the way you learn things about yourself and others. This past year I learned about trust, I learned about love, it was taught to me in unexpected ways, some of them difficult. I realize that life is always evolving, moving never stagnant, things are always changing. This year as I travel the road of 2012, I want to face it with COURAGE. Push myself to act instead of react, reach out instead of always holding on. Thank you for all the best wishes for the new year, my wish for you is happiness and peace of mind for 2012.