Lilylovekin Tails

Journaling

2012-01-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

Hi there. It has been a while since I've posted, but it does not mean that my life is quiet. In fact my head is spinning with thoughts but none that easily get out of my head and are put into print. Sometimes I feel like a broken record, a circle that goes round and round. I've been writing putting words to paper-real paper, feeling the pen against the grain. That is where I've spent the past few weeks. This past week-end I visited my mother in Scottsdale. I've not seen her since her surgery and it was good to have her up and about. Dealing with issues of an aging parent is frustrating and scary. I've yet to figure out the positive in it. This is partly what I write about in my journal, a purging. I also write to find courage and I only find that by living through a day at a time and discovering that what I was so afraid of did not kill me. When thoughts stay in my mind they tend to grow and distort. Little bumps become mountains. That is the importance of my journal, it frees me. Words that belong in private, stored away out of my head. From "dear diary" of years ago, to colorful pages of today my journals are a source of pleasure, release and sanity.

Faith

2012-01-10T17:11:00.000-08:00

There has not been much going on lately in my house. I marvel at the straggling roses in my neighbors yard, it is cold and dry yet an occasional beautiful flower springs forth. Everyday in my yoga class my instructor tells us to empty our minds, and set our intention for the coming day. I want to be like the rose, blooming in the cold and dry. Even when inspiration and motivation leaves me still moving forward and being ok. I have been busy making a few more journals but have not been inspired enough to open the pages. Putting paint, words and paper elements to the stark white pages seems daunting to me. If there is faith there is no room for fear. This week-end I get together with my art girl friends, there I will find the inspiration to break the ice.

Best wishes

2012-01-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like the end of a year for one to reflect. I've spent some of the day thinking back on the past year, it was a full one. I had experiences I never anticipated when the new year started. Some of them good, some not so good. It is like traveling down a road, you never know what to expect. You can make plans, resolutions, set goals, and then life happens. It is how you handle that "life" that sets the course. Along the way you learn things about yourself and others. This past year I learned about trust, I learned about love, it was taught to me in unexpected ways, some of them difficult. I realize that life is always evolving, moving never stagnant, things are always changing. This year as I travel the road of 2012, I want to face it with COURAGE. Push myself to act instead of react, reach out instead of always holding on. Thank you for all the best wishes for the new year, my wish for you is happiness and peace of mind for 2012.

Happy Holidays

2011-12-21T10:15:00.000-08:00

Up the street from us is a Christmas house, full of lights, music, the spirit of the season. To tour it helps bring the season alive. Music, hushed voices, children's laughter adds to the sparkle of the lights. My holidays are quiet this year, full of thanks. Gifts impossible to put a monetary value on. My list of thanks is long. And on that list is the friends of my blog, I'm grateful for everyone of you. I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday season, full of love, family and kindness.

Sunday

2011-12-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

As Christmas fast approaches I find myself thinking of it less and less. This year there is no family involvement and so it is quiet. Work is busy, the days there long and tedious there is no thought for anything but the job. But it is peaceful and I'm tired from days at work, and the cold weather keeps one under wraps. Today I worked on my journal. It was fun. I went to my best friends house (who is taking the FTB class also) we drank coffee, chitchatted and explored our way through the instructions. I finished my first book, and started a second. As I write this post I realize that even if I'm not celebrating Christmas this year with lots of gifts and parties, I am celebrating it with simple times of love. Wishing you all much love.

Baby steps

2011-12-11T15:54:00.000-08:00

Things did not go the way I planned this past week. One in particular big expensive money bump in the road. Several thousands of dollars later and all is well, but it was not easy. I had to be a grown up and take care of adult responsibilities. It is hard to sometimes realize that you are it. You really are the one taking care of yourself. Somedays this comes as a big surprise to me even after all these years. My network is small. Slowly I work at growing that network. Trust is difficult, to put yourself out there to expose your heart to others. Today I had coffee with a group of women I'm learning to trust and like. It is a small step but big for me. When I was younger the friends I had were casual and fleeting but now I look for something deeper. There are fewer to love as we age and the importance of family and friends takes on more meaning. I hope you all treasure those close to you.

FTB

2011-12-05T16:01:00.000-08:00

Better late than never, I enrolled in Mary Ann Moss's Full Tilt Boogie online journaling class. I'm sure you have all checked it out all ready but I'm singing its praises. I've not started any actual work yet, just been assembling supplies and watching the many videos she provides in the class. I spent the week-end going up and down the isles of ebay and etsy looking for photo albums, shopping for watercolor paper, waxed linen and book needles. Today presents came in the mail. I keep journals, using my photographs, adding poetry, quotes and some writing, I've used spiral bound books in the past but they fall apart and I'm left with a mish mash of pages, this class has me excited about putting together a book that will hold up and not fall apart. I'll keep you posted as to my progress.

Shades of grey

2011-12-01T08:49:00.001-08:00

Shades of grey. That is what greeted me on my morning walk. The skies are heavy and full of moisture, the air thick with mist. Fog horns bleat their sad lonely song, keeping ships safe from the shores. The call of birds is muffled and they tuck their little heads into warm wings. My feet trip along the graveled path. I'm alone but not lonely. My face is damp with cool moisture from the low lying clouds, I'm glad for a warm home to return to and hot coffee. Enjoying the day and the grey.

Hibernation

2011-11-26T10:00:00.000-08:00

Like the weather I'm in hibernation. My mind is quiet and mushy. All I do is curl up under a blanket count sheep, pet my dog, mindlessly wonder the number of rings in a tree trunk, try to find the needle in a haystack-mindless activity. This is the season of gratitude, of family, and of giving. My heart is full of gratitude for so much and I live that every day. It is like a prayer for me a thank you for what I have. When one fills up with what you have it is easier to live with what is missing in your life. No life is perfect. My quiet time is reflection, simple rest for the busy active times that are ahead for me. May you all find time for quiet and peace this busy season.

Sweet dreams

2011-11-13T13:16:00.000-08:00

Once in the dream of a night I stood

Lone in the light of a magical wood

Soul-deep in visions that poppy like spray.

And spirits of TRUTH were the birds that sang,

And spirits of LOVE were the stars that glowed,

And spirits of PEACE were the streams that flowed,

In that magical wood in the land of sleep. anonymous

Faded pink

2011-11-07T07:03:00.000-08:00

Faded pink, left over colors of summer. Fall is in full swing, what colors have been in the trees are faded and rain has come to wash the landscape clean. Cool air is creeping into the corners of the house. And with the setting of the clocks back, evening arrives in the late afternoon. Winter is not far away. I love this time of year, the settling in, a cozy fire, warm bath, flannel sheets. I hope you all have a good week.

Death Valley

2011-11-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

Open spaces, that was all that greeted me this past week. Traveling through the Eastern Sierras down highway 395 and down down down into Death Valley. What a beautiful desolate place. Hundreds of feet below sea level, dry, windy and warm. Driving Titus Canyon, with steep rocky walls so close one could reach out and nearly touch them. Over mountain passes so steep one slip could send you to a tumbling grave. Viewing mountain sides a glow with evening sunlight, full of an artist pallet of color. I needed this hugeness, this bigger than life canvas to let me know I'm a tiny thing. Quiet days, starry nights, morning hikes were all medicine for a searching soul. Knowing my place in the scheme of things is so important to me and being out in the largeness of nature helped me with that knowing. It was a good place to spend time.

Changes

2011-10-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

Red berries, cool nights, golden leaves a tale of fall. It is my favorite time of year. The crisp air, the low hanging sun, the rustle of leaves. In California at least where I live it is not a bold colored fall, but it is a season just the same. One knows that change is in the air. Change with the seasons is acceptable and welcome in my life, but I resist change that comes to me otherwise. It was spending part of the day with my best friend-"brewing hope" (as I read on ornamental). I realized that I did not need to be afraid of change that I could see doors opening instead of closing, a glass half full instead of empty-that my life is good. I hope you all have a good week-end enjoying the fall weather.

Home

2011-10-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

I'm back home. My journey consisted of a long winding path these past two weeks. At times I never thought I would find my self at home and feeling good. But that is where I am. My mother is settled into a rehab hospital, she is less confused daily, has accepted she needs to be there and is content with the choice we made. Every one is happy to be home, especially Penny the dog who's barking did not go over well at the condo we were staying in. I am learning the difficult lesson of letting go-to release my mother to the universe, the care of others and have faith that they will do good by her. I am not a parent and can only imagine how difficult this must be to do on a daily basis but also how important it is to do not only for the child but for the self. Both parties must be given space and time to grow and flourish. Again, I want to thank you all for your words of support these past weeks, they have really helped me get through this difficult time.

On the road

2011-10-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

Some peace at last. My mother is back, at least most of the time. She has moments of clarity and this gives me hope. It is good to get out of the hustle and bustle of a busy impersonal hospital. With a clean bill of health we can get on the road to recovery. What a test this has been for me. Major fears have plagued me moment by moment. I've been afraid I would lose my mother, I've been afraid of making choices, I've been afraid of not being enough. It has been awful to say the least. It has really been a lesson in staying in the moment, and being present. Although I wanted to run away and hide many times. My prayer through all of this was "Thy will not mine be done" and that helped keep me grounded. Again thank-you for listening to me, I use this blog as a sounding board and your comments are appreciated.

Rocky

2011-10-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

I can't say as if things have improved any since I last posted. It is rocky, there are no soft spots. I do have faith that if I do MY best then things will turn out the way they are suppose to. I've given up control, that helps me to sleep at night. Although I sleep a restless sleep waiting for the phone to ring. Watching my mother go from a frisky determined little lady to confused and weakened has been difficult. It is frightening because I'm so afraid these changes are permeant. That I have lost the mother I knew and gained a responsibility that I have no idea of how to deal with. I wish I could take my brain out of my head and wash away the fear an anxiety, it is crowded in there. Thank you for all your words of support.

Rugged Times

2011-09-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

It has been a rugged rough past few days here in sunny hot Scottsdale. First my mothers surgery was not the success we had hoped for, her bone quality is poor and so the surgeon could not fuse as many levels as he had planned. Her first night in the hospital she overdosed on pain medicine and stopped breathing-fortunalty things were caught quickly. But since then medication has been given out sparingly. In other words my mother is in much pain. It is difficult to sit there and watch her clench teeth, groan, and furrow her brow. I feel like the hysterical mother in TERMS OF ENDEARMENT-but my pleas seem to fall on deaf ears. Today when I went up my mother was feeling better, enough so to ask for a Starbucks hot chocolate! She is to be discharged in one day! She is weak and hardly able to move herself around in bed, although with help she is sitting in a chair and taking short walks in the room. It has been decided that she will go to a rehab hospital for a few weeks until she is stronger. This has caused emotional distress on my mothers part since she feels she is going into a "nursing home." But this is more than I can handle and I've told her so. I spent part of the day touring homes and found a lovely one not far from where we are staying. All in all it has been stressful, sad, and has left me feeling rather desperate. Thank you for listening to me vent.

Tolerance

2011-09-24T07:52:00.001-07:00

There is much going on in my household during the next few weeks. On Tuesday I leave for Scottsdale-a 12 hour drive. My husband and the dog Penny are going because we are going to be there for 2 weeks helping my mother. She is having major back surgery and will need someone with her to help with her recovery. It will be nice to be away from work, but I wish it was under different circumstances. My mother is a frisky 74 year old lady. She is basically healthy, but has some underlying issues that make taking care of her difficult. It is basically that she is the MOTHER and I am the DAUGHTER. No matter what the age that never changes. Wish us both luck, I'll keep you posted.

Indecision

2011-09-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

"ALL OUR FINAL DECISIONS ARE MADE IN A STATE OF MIND THAT IS NOT GOING TO LAST." marcel proust. I've made a rather major decision about my life. When I first made the decision it felt right and perfect, I was excited and anxious for it to happen. Now that time has gone on and I wait for the event to occur I've had time to think and I've started to "what if" myself. There are no answers to the questions I have about my choice I just have to walk through believing in myself. In reading this quote I realized that life is fluid, it is constantly moving. What may seem totally acceptable one day may not be quite right the next, one just has to keep moving forward and making constant adjustments. I could live in the frozen world of "what ifs", hiding behind every excuse, and problem. Instead I'm going to keep my head in the sun moving forward looking for answers and solutions.

Guilty pleasure.

2011-09-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

''YOU MUST HAVE BEEN WARNED AGAINST LETTING THE GOLDEN HOURS SLIP BY. YES, BUT SOME OF THEM ARE GOLDEN ONLY BECAUSE WE LET THEM SLIP." j.m. barrie. Work was slow this week so I took an extra day off. I did get up enough gumption to mail a package, and visit the farmers market but other than that I did not leave the house. I love cooking shows and got caught up in Master Chef on Hulu. It is so fun and addictive to watch episode after episode, before I realized it the whole day had gone by-guilty pleasures. Today I plan to spend one more day filling it with guilty pleasure. I hope you all have a great week-end filled with guilty pleasure.

Kindness

2011-09-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

"NO GREAT THING IS CREATED SUDDENLY. THERE MUST BE TIME. GIVE YOUR BEST AND ALWAYS BE KIND." unknown. We drove past a wonderful cottage garden a few days ago. It made me envious, wishing I could get such beautiful flowers to grow in my back yard. I realize it is not my back yard, but the time I'm willing to put into gardening that is the problem. I love the results but not all the work. Time is the secret in many things. Learning a new craft takes practice and practice. Making a marriage work takes time and effort. Being good at a job does not happen over night. One must always try your best and be kind, not only to others but to yourself. It has taken practice for me to be kind to myself, something I still work at. But I do find that the easier I am on myself the easier it is to be good to others. May we all practice being kind to ourselves.

9/11

2011-09-10T08:12:00.000-07:00

One can not be living and not be aware that this weekend marks the anniversary of 9/11. A tragic event that has changed our country and the way many of us live our lives. I did not know any one who died on 9/11. I knew people who got their airline flights cancelled, that was the biggest inconvenience. My family was lucky. Our country has been at war ever since. I have developed a general sense of fear and unease, especially in crowded spaces, big cities and watching airplanes in the skies. It is not enough to deter me from doing things but leaves me with a question in my mind. I dislike this suspicious feeling but have not come up with a solution for it. I wonder about those who suffered real losses and how they cope. My heart goes out to them. I think about the people who fight the wars for us. Maybe I think too much. I just know that I am thankful to live in a country that provides me with the rights and safety I do have. Because even if I have fear I know it is less than many and that I have more than most.

The trail revisited

2011-09-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

Labor Day week-end was spent on the ridge, up in the mountains away from it all. I like to think that I get away from it except that my husband has a tv antenna, gets reception and watches the evening news. I try not to pay attention because there is little positive in the world these days, 9/11 anniversary, unemployment at 9%, flooding and drought, fighting in the government. Being in a little trailer I was unable to get away from the depressing broadcast, and it made me afraid and sad. I got to spend time on my favorite forest trail, taking in flowers, fresh scents, sun on my back, sweat on my brow and for a while everything was ok. Nothing is wrong in my world, I have much to be grateful for, I just wish I could spread it around. It is difficult to live in these troubled times.

PINK-3

2011-08-30T08:59:00.001-07:00

"ALMOST ALL WORDS DO HAVE A COLOR AND NOTHING IS MORE PLEASANT THAN TO UTTER A PINK WORD AND SEE SOMEONES EYES LIGHT UP AND KNOW IT IS A PINK WORD FOR HIM OR HER TOO." gladys tabor I worked another one of those long days at work yesterday-14+ hours. So today I am resting. Sunday I went to the farmers market. Summer vegetables are in full force, it is wonderful to fill my bag with tomatoes, basil, squash, figs and peaches-all of my favorites. Still being fascinated with the color pink, the flowers caught my eye. Pink that color that can raise blood pressure yet relax at the same time-such a mystery.

PINK-2

2011-08-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

"PINK IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. PINK WHEN I TURN OUT THE LIGHTS AND PINK GETS ME HIGH AS A KITE. AND I THINK EVERYTHING IS GOIN G TO BE ALL RIGHT-NO MATTER WHAT WE DO TONIGHT" aerosmith. Even though fall is approaching and colors are turning those warm shades of gold. I was able to enjoy a pink fix today on a morning walk. Naked ladies, one of my favorite lilies was growing just two houses down from ours. I love how they poke up from the ground with no foliage sort of as a surprise. They also seem to be a hardy flower growing out of the driest ground-I love their tenacity. Enjoy your week-end.

Forest hike

2011-08-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

Lupins, daisies, queens ann lace, sage, columbine to name a few. The forest and meadows are bursting with late summer flowers. Hiking along a forest trail a gradual incline follows the shores of alpine lakes, crosses snow feed streams and ended for me in a little fairy meadow of grass at the end of a waterfall. Gentle breezes kept me cool and sunlight filtered through the trees filling dark corners with bits of light. An old log cabin leaning and listing in a dusty square. Busy squirrels and chipmunks building nest and feeding themselves, getting stuffed on pinecones. No better way to spend a long summer day than hiking a forest trail. My heart raced as the incline increased, but Penny kept a merry little pace a head of me and I could not let a 14 year old dog out do me! One of the ways I've kept busy during the past five days. Hope you are all enjoying these final days of summer.

Falling Upward

2011-08-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

I got to practice my slowing down yesterday. A garbage truck hit a power pole, knocking out power at my place of employment, we all got to start our weekend early. I heard the expression "falling upward" yesterday and I like it. I use to think of problems in this life as horrible and something to avoid. It isn't that I embrace pain, but I try and think of difficult times as learning periods. Knowing that at the end of a bad experience I'm going be wiser and smarter. Instead of "falling down" I "fall upward" into a better place. This weekend I'm getting together with my art girl friends, we are meeting in a local park, it will be nice to see them since it has been a while. I hope you all have a good weekend and find some time to be creative.

Slowing Down

2011-08-09T08:06:00.001-07:00

Time seems to be flying by so fast, I do not know what happened to July. I want to enjoy August but it is already the 9th. Between traveling back and forth to Arizona the past few week-ends and working it seems as if there has been time for little else. I'm a person who moves at a snails pace. Decisions are slow to happen for me. Choices take forever. I like to sit and ponder life. This constant movement leaves me dizzy. The next few weeks I plan to slow down, get back to a life that is more my speed. Where things are not blurring past me. Taking time to see colors, smell the scents and feel the sparkles. Enjoy what is left of the summer. I hope you all have a good rest of your work week.

Busy times

2011-08-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy busy week-end. I'm visiting my mother in Scottsdale where the weather is hot hot hot-I'm loving it. My sister is here also and we have spent much time making a mess of the dinning room table. Yesterday we spent the day at Art Unraveled selling Lorri Scotts vintage dyed clothing at the vendor fair. Today is a rest day. I'm going to spend time by the pool, continue to create at the mess on the dinning room table. There are reservations for dinner at a great steak place. I'm in heaven. I leave you with a great thought from a little collage piece I bought at the vendor fair, it fits perfect with my life. Enjoy the rest of your week-end, and take time to smell the flowers.

Journal pages

2011-07-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

Having been inspired by being with my sister I've been working on journal pages. My sister is a source of great creative energy full of multiply ideas and concepts, one walks away from her with their head reeling. I had to jump into work when I returned home and have found little time to play. I'm looking forward to this week-end to get out my paints, paper, glue and go to town. I hope you all are having a good week-end. The summer is flying by, I can't believe that July is nearly over!

Bisbee 2

2011-07-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

I'm visiting my sister this week-end in the delightful little mining town of Bisbee AZ. She owns a little boutique called "Blissbee" Check out her blog and web site. I flew down this week end and helped her teach a journaling workshop. I flew into Phoenix picked up my mother and drove down to Bisbee, it has been a fun busy week-end. Between teaching a class, unpacking supplies for the store, walking the dogs, eating out, photographing merchandise, staying up too late, and going going, going. I am very tired. I admire my sister's determination and dedication. It is hard work to own ones own business.

Blue oblivion

2011-07-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

"BLUE OBLIVION LARGELY LIT, SMILED AND SMILED AT ME." william benet. I plan to lose myself in shades of blues, yellows, oranges, reds and greens as I paint and journal my way through this weekend. I'm excited to doodle and try out my new pen a "Rotring ArtPen."The weekend may even include a trip to Dick Blick for more Golden paint. I hope you all have a good weekend.

Highway One

2011-07-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

As part of our week-end trip to LA, we drove home up the coastal highway of 1. It is a narrow two lane highway hugging steep cliffs, with beautiful ocean views. It is a gamble when you travel along the California coast that you will get sunny skies, and this time I lost. It was foggy and cold. Many of the dramatic views were socked in with fog and misty clouds, I was frustrated and hopeful that around every corner the mist would have burned off. Just the same the peaks of views were wonderful and I felt lucky to live in such a beautiful state. We did the 17 mile drive around Pebble Beach (the famous golf club) to look at the lone cypress tree, it has been years since we've done that. It now cost money to take the drive!!! How times do change, it was worth it to see the tree, although I doubt I'll ever see it again. I hope you are all having a good week.

Pam Garrison

2011-07-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

This past week-end I was lucky enough to spend some time in the company of Pam Garrison. I attended a journaling workshop taught by Pam in LA, hosted by Jenny Doh. What a lovely experience, I walked away full of inspiration and ideas, wanting to sit down and work in my journal. Jenny Dohs studio is full of art work that is fun and makes one want to create. Pam brought a lot of vintage supplies and it was like a mini flea market, full of books, wall paper, fabric, frames, ect. The dinning room table was covered with her numerous journals and it was like heaven looking through them and touching them. With her permission I took a lot of photos for ideas and future reference. Pam does a lot of doodling and pen work. I want to add that to my journals so her class was right up my ally. I don't have any art work to show from the day spent in the class because I've not been home to practice but I'll post some as soon as I do.

Deck views

2011-07-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

Where I spent my 4th of July. On my patio reading, relaxing. Away from the frenzied crowds of parks, beaches, shopping malls and parade grounds. These were my quiet views. Grapes hanging overhead. Reflections of green. A curious dog. The fragile bloom of a passion flower. Simple joys. My life is good.

Summer day

2011-07-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

The long hot days of summer are finally here. Linen, short sleeves, and flipflops-oh the joy! I spent a pre 4th of July sitting on my deck listening to the occasional errant fire cracker, lawn mowers, birds and the distant sound of blue grass music (my neighbors have a band). Sitting under a grape arbor with gentle breeze blowing, I sipped a cool drink, read a novel and would infrequently pick up my current crochet piece and hook a stitch or two. I plan to repeat this tomorrow. I hope you all have a happy holiday.

Rain

2011-07-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

"LET THE RAIN KISS YOU. LET THE RAIN BEAT UPON YOUR HEAD WITH SILVER LIQUID DROPS. LET THE RAIN SING YOU A LULLABY". langston hughes. An unusual late spring/early summer shower came to visit us this past week. It truly sang me a lullaby all day long, softly watering the garden and plants. Starting with the dusty smell when the earth is first getting that cleansing wash. To ending with a soft lulling to sleep that night. I hope you are all getting ready for a good week-end.

Fredo

2011-06-28T10:07:00.000-07:00

Julie Whitmore's post Best Pals really struck a cord. I love dogs. I grew up with two, a collie and a poodle they were best of friends. Unconditional love and trust is always there. Fredo was my first and great love. A little white dog I adopted from the pound. I wasn't sure I was going to take him home until he wrapped his front paws around my arm and would not let go. He captured my heart with that gesture and never let go again. He was there with me me through sad times, happy times, and many changes, he was my constant. No matter what Fredo was there to love me and comfort me. He was my best friend. That is what dogs are all about. I do believe like Julie said something that good cannot die and must be waiting for us else where. I know that Fredo (and Lily) are in heaven waiting, with tails wagging to welcome me home.

Relaxed

2011-06-27T16:21:00.000-07:00

I love arriving home after a trip away. Even if the trip away is pleasant, and mine was. We live at the bottom of a little hill. I'm always filled with anticipation and a little anxiety as we crest it upon our arrival taking a satisfied deep breath to see the house standing safe and sound. This week-end I did a lot of journaling and it was good. Putting paint and pen to paper, writing my heart out and getting rid of some uncomfortable feelings I've been carrying around for a bit. I feel rested and relaxed. That is why it was only perfect that on the way home, stopping by a little fruit stand I smelled the wonderful fragrance of lavender. Hanging in the back room where bunches of fresh lavender drying in the heat. When I expressed interest the clerk took me out back to the small field of lavender that was a gorgeous deep purple, the blossoms plump and full, bees were everywhere darting from one stalk to another. I crawled down a row lost in the heavenly scent finding myself nearly too relaxed to get back to the car.

Flower mart

2011-06-19T12:28:00.000-07:00

It was flower day at the market. That was all I wanted to see and I was not disappointed. Several lovely stalls of bright and colorful blooms. Yellows, pinks, reds, oranges, creams, and whites so many different colors that put together in a bouquet compliment each other perfectly. It is amazing how nature works that way. "To BE OVERCOME BY THE FRAGRANCE OF FLOWERS IS A DELECTABLE FORM OF DEFEAT". beverly nichols. I hope you all have a good week. I'm headed off to work for the next 3 days and then we plan to go camping for a long over due week-end.

My garden.

2011-06-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

There are fairies at the bottom of my garden, of that I am sure. This time of year my yard is lush and green. Things grow with hardly a thought, it is as if my yard has magic. I'm very excited because we actually have tomatoes on our plants this year, many of them. In years past we have had lovely tomato plants but no fruit. Our berries are ripe for the picking and are fun to just go out and eat. I don't have enough plants to make jam with but just enough to add a few berries to yogurt every morning. As you can tell even bugs are welcome in our garden-it is a friendly place to hang out. I hope you all have a wonderful week-end.

Good and Plenty

2011-06-14T15:39:00.000-07:00

Having the day off of work, I spent much of the time with a tiny crochet hook and silk thread working on necklaces for my sister. It becomes very trance like for me-when I am not breaking the thread and swearing like a sailor! Much of my thoughts today were on the fact that it is a narrow walk for me to keep others happy and keep my sense of self intact. This has become a practice for me in the past few days. Old behavior is not comfortable any longer-the clothes no longer fit. Yet I've not had experience with the new behavior for it to feel right either. I want to run and hide, but the old hiding places are no longer there. Life has changed and that is good. I'm changing-one can teach an old dog new tricks. I'm becoming more self assured, more comfortable in my own skin. I tell myself "I more than enough-I'm good enough just the way I am" Deep thoughts for a day with a little crochet hook!

Sundays market

2011-06-13T07:34:00.000-07:00

I spent part of yesterday making my weekly trip to the farmers market. It is open May through Oct. and I'm so glad because things are so much more tasty when you can buy them fresh. In tribute to the cemetery goats I tried some Goat JAAK cheese-delicious creamy, salty and rich. If I was rich I would buy fresh cheese all the time. We had it with a wonderful salad of raspberries and butter lettuce. Peaches!!! one of my favorite fruits were at the market, it seems early for them but I bought a few I could not resist they smelled so good. Even though our market is small it provides the basics and I came away with a nice little load of veges and fruit.

SAT. 5PM

2011-06-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

I can't describe the day better than happy. Post work and tired, ready to rest and taking it easy. A morning walk up the hills behind our house. The hills are golden brown, ready for the long warm days of summer. Past the cemetery full of silly goats there for weed control, their bleating calls a source of great entertainment. Views of the strait with glimpses of fishing boats and sail boats puts one in a summer mood. Part of the day was spent digging in dirt as I planted impatiens in pots around the yard. I love the spots of bright color that easy to take care of flower provides. "ONE MADE A CLIMATE WITHIN A CLIMATE; ONE MADE THE DAYS--THE COMPLEXION, THE SPECIAL FLAVOR, THE SPECIAL HAPPINESS OF EVERY DAY AS IT PASSED; ONE MADE LIFE. willa cather

Pink

2011-06-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

"PINK it was love at first sight. PINK when i turn out the lights, and PINK gets me high as a kite. and i think everything is going to be all right no matter what we do tonight." aerosmith.

Shades of Blue

2011-06-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

Resting after three long days at work. We had planned to go camping this week-end, but the pass is closed due to late snow and we cannot get to our trailer. Weather is crazy all over the country, these are unsettling times we live in. I promised my sister that I would make five necklaces for her shop by August so I've started the task. I'm slowly going, getting distracted easily. Tomorrow my art friends get together so meeting with them will help keep me on track for several hours. I love doing to crochet part of the necklace, but find that I stall at the metal work part, it is something I don't feel very comfortable with. And yet mixing the two elements together is so important for an interesting necklace. I'm trying to stay relaxed about the whole process, I have until August. I hope you all have a creative and fun filled week-end.

Nature lessons

2011-05-29T10:03:00.000-07:00

I'm loving how these poppies are growing in and between this chain link fence. The lessons I've learned from nature. 1. patience 2. persistence 3. determination 4. trust 5. faith 6. staying in the moment. I hope you are all having a good week-end.

Today

2011-05-23T16:16:00.000-07:00

It was a lovely week-end in my neck of the woods. Walking downtown to the annual Peddlers Fair I realized (again) how lucky I am to live where I live. Saturday was a sunny day, a gentle breeze was blowing, the smell of kettle corn was in the air. The sound of music drifted along with bird song as a local band played for the fair. Sunday was the local farmers market, my favorite seller was there and though it is too early for tomatoes I bought a bouquet of sweet peas. Strawberries are in season, they are big, plump and sweet-we are having nothing but shortcake for dinner tonight! Sometimes I wonder if the answers we need are right in front of us and we just can't see them because either we are looking too hard or we are asking the wrong questions. Anyway for right now I'm going to stop worrying about the future and just enjoy today.

Nothing

2011-05-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

This post is about nothing-that is what has been on my mind for the past several days. I've been at work since I've returned from Bisbee and so all thought was put on hold. Also I've discovered a long time habit of mind. When given a large project I often go into overload mode and shut down. My large project at present is what to do at retirement? Where to live, if to move, continue work(I probably have to), many questions. It is too much to ponder and so I go into nothingness-it is easier there. But I do know I will not find the answers to my questions there, so every once in a while I stick my head out. I do know I want to be closer to my family. I know I want one place I can call home. So two questions are answered. That is a start-something that is good for me. I hope you are all having a nice week-end.

Bisbee

2011-05-17T07:21:00.001-07:00

I've been away for a while, not only from my blog but from home-I've taken a road trip to Bisbee AZ.. It is easily a two day drive, with a stop in Scottsdale to spend the night with my mother. What an adventure. The reason behind the trip was to visit my sister who is living down there. She is in the process of opening a "creative boutique", we went to see her progress and to help if we could. Let me just tell those of you who follow my sisters blog, she is doing well, is very busy and hopes to open the "Bliss-Bee" shop in the next month after that she will be blogging again. It will be a wonderful store, full of goodies, art supplies and of course my sisters creative energy, everyone should plan a trip to Bisbee for a week-end get away and to visit the store. Bisbee is a quaint little mining town built in a steep canyon, it is full of turn of the century cottages, stairways, nooks and crannies. Also in town is the cute little Shady Dell vintage trailer park a cute hotel to stay in. Bisbee is also full of wonderful antique stores with great prices but I never got a chance to go shopping, I was too busy helping my sister! It was a wonderful trip and I look forward to returning soon.

Doubt

2011-05-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

Another low census day at work and I was called off my shift. Part of me rejoices because I get a long week end and another part of me trembles in fear as I doubt the security of my job. Three years ago I left a large busy stressful job to work a less stressful job. Sometimes I doubt my choice. I think about just doing a good job and doing the best I can and knowing that if I take care of every day the future will take care of itself-that is what nature does why can it not work for me? I don't want my dreams eaten for dinner.

A CHICK HAS JUST SO MUCH TIME TO CHIP ITS WAY OUT, JUST SO MUCH EGG ENERGY TO APPLY TO THE WEAKEST SPOT OR WHATEVER SPOT IT STARTED AT. IT CAN'T AFFORD DOUBT. WHO CAN? DOUBT USES ALBUMEN AT TWICE THE RATE OF WORK. ONE BACKWARD LOOK BY ANY OF US CAN COST WHAT IT COST ORPHEUS. NEITHER MAY YOU ANSWER THE STRANGER'S KNOCK; YOU KNOW IT IS THE PERSON FROM PORLOCK WHO EATS DREAMS FOR DINNER HIS NAPKIN STAINED THE MOST DELICATE COLORS. kay ryan

Fair winds

2011-05-02T17:17:00.000-07:00

Bambi is moved to her summer home without event! Even if signs indicate other wise the trip was uneventful and all is well. Maybe I'm just becoming a seasoned trailer puller. This was a quick trip since I do not have much time off of work we were only gone three days, they went by quickly. Night one was spent in Alabama Hills a favorite of mine, I love the rocks. It is still very early spring in the high elevations, 7000 feet-there is little green growth and it is cold at night. The second day as we drove closer to Mammoth mountain ski resort we were able to pull off the road and go cross country skiing. Again, although the sun was shinning it never got very warm and the next morning when we awoke Penny's water dish was frozen solid! It will feel good to be in a warm house tonight and take an extra long hot shower.

Anticipation

2011-04-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

Things I'm looking forward to 1. Going to "Bambi" this coming week-end. 2. Julie Whitmore pottery arriving in the mail. 3. A soon to be trip to Bisbee AZ. to visit my sister. 4. A journaling class with Pam Garrison.

A Ride

2011-04-23T15:11:00.000-07:00

With gas pushing 5 dollars a gallon, one thinks twice of jumping in the car and going for a "ride". But earlier this week I was restless and thought a ride would be a cheaper option than lets say shopping so off we went. Through the hills behind my home towards the Berkeley hills and Tilden Park, in search of a 1920's merry-g0-round. Over rolling green grass covered hills scattered with cattle and oak trees. A mist covered lake filled to the brim with spring run off that will provide plenty of drinking water for the summer months. When we got to the park we discovered the merry-go-round was closed. I had to peer into deep shadowed horses, reindeer,and various other animals-it looks fascinating and I plan to return. I did come upon a botanical garden that was full of early spring growth another place to revisit. I'm lucky the drive is so close to my house just out my back door and over a hill or two-not even 10 dollars worth! Have a Happy Easter.

Nap time

2011-04-18T15:56:00.000-07:00

Nap time is important in my house. Today was no exception. Penny Penny and I hit the bed and after an hour or so resurfaced to face the world. It was a overcast and cool day and with nothing better planned it seemed like the thing to do. Now I have a sleep hangover. Fuzzy headed feeling full but feeling good. Good because I realize I have a good life. Tonight I am going to have a dinner I enjoy, I am going to bed and read myself to sleep and tomorrow start another day. I have to remember it is the simple things that count, and when I start counting the simple things I lose track.

April's loss

2011-04-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

EVERY BEGINNING AFTER ALL IS NOTHING BUT A SEQUEL, AND THE BOOK OF EVENTS IS ALWAYS OPEN IN THE MIDDLE. wislawa szymborska. April a month of beginnings. It is in nature everywhere. Bright green, tender buds, baby birds, fresh sweet scents. But for me April also is a month of endings. I have lost very dear ones to me in April. It is a confusing month. For outside spring is in full bloom, there is new life at every turn. My heart is full of conflicting emotion these past days. Thinking much of the past, time spent with loved ones, thinking about what was, and wondering about what might have been. Sharpness of intense pain has eased to a familiar ache. I enjoy the beauty of the new beginnings and see the start of life again. Knowing that I'm in the middle of a multi layered story with many good byes, hellos, and loves makes it all worth while in the end.

A little bit of Paris

2011-04-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

Although I can't travel to Paris, my taste buds can thanks to a friend who just returned from a week-end trip and brought me back a tasty treat. MACARONS. Very different from the coconut cookie I am use to. Flakey, delicate crust holds creme or jelly filling. Each bite is light, each taste an exploration in flavor and sensation. Each cookie a bright little gem. A little bit of Paris is sitting on my kitchen table and it makes me feel oh so special!

Pink trees

2011-04-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Pink blossomed trees bright against a blue sky, witnessed one morning on a walk to the coffee shop. A latte served hot that burned the roof of my mouth. The friendly chatter of my mother drinking her morning drink. Today I missed that walk-my mother was 30,000 feet in the sky flying home. Our visit is over. The house is empty it seems to echo with out her energy in it. I feel at a loss and have a small feeling of grief about me. Something is over. My time with my mother was comfortable and easy, I did not want it to end. But play time is over and real life has to start, so tomorrow it is back to work. I hope you all have a good week. I'll miss my mother and look forward to our next visit.

Delightful

2011-04-08T16:49:00.000-07:00

Getting up and about we headed to Pt. Bonita and the Golden Gate Bridge. The weather gods smiled on us blessing us with sunny skies and moderate winds. It was a lovely day. The bridge was built in 1937 the same year my mother was born, I think she felt a special connection with it. Walking out on the bridge just felt GOOD! Driving out towards the light house at the end of Pt. Bonita, it felt as if we were above the clouds, like birds looking down on the beauty below. The road is narrow, the sides are steep dropping off to the ocean below, it is an exciting drive. We walked through shaded forest, explored long empty bunker and gun turrets, examined early spring flowers. It was a delightful day.

Company

2011-04-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

I have company, my mother is in town. She is easy to entertain and enjoys many of the same things I do. Currently she is taking a nap! This morning we went for a brisk walk, the weather is cool and windy, the goal of hot cocoa and coffee got us up and moving. But once out it was great to see the spring gardens in bloom, there was even a lilac bush blooming, so reminiscent of my childhood. One of the plans is to walk the Golden Gate Bridge when she is here, something I've not done in years, we live so close and never go to it. Today was spent hitting my favorite thrift stores, book stores, and stocking up on food. She also gave me Photoshop Elements, I'm very excited to delve into it and discover what fun things I can do with my photographs. I feel very fortunate to have a healthy and active mom, I plan to enjoy my time with her to the fullest.

5 things

2011-04-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

1. Summer weather

2. Week-end

3. Blooming back yard

4. Coffee in bed

5. Life is good

Finished

2011-03-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

My time with the big book is finished. Once I got the pages covered with paint it was not so difficult to carry on. I used enlarged photographs I had taken and that took up a lot of space. After that I just doodled a little bit, now I can pass it on. It was a rainy week-end and I was trapped in doors, a good reason for working on the book. Now that it is time to go back to work the sun has come out! I hope you all have a good week.

The big book

2011-03-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

It is raining yet again, another good day for naps and reading books. I'm working on the big book -very slowly. My art girl friends have a large book we pass around and do collage or painting spreads in. There are 5 of us and each of us keep it about 2 months so it doesn't come around all that often but when it does my heart skips several beats. One to see the work that has been done and two to try and figure out what I'll do. It has been sitting with open pages on my dinning room table for the past 2 weeks staring at me giving me the "evil eye." Today I decided to work on it, just putting layers of paint down, getting rid of the white pages was freeing in itself. It is funny how white pages can be so scary. I have these collage sheets from Teesha Moore that I'm going to use and who knows what else. I hope you all have a good week-end and that you are doing something creative and fun.

Lessons

2011-03-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

I would like to think that every day I get up and learn a lesson that makes me a little better of a person then I was the day before. Somedays the lessons are easy to learn and others not so. I spent the past 3 days in the desert . It is a time of quiet and solitude. I talk little and see no one. Time was spent exploring the desert for signs of spring, seeing new out of old and something out of nothing. I see my time in the desert as a sort of prayer. My communication with my spiritual self and an outside source of power. All of it the ride down, the setting up of the trailer, the morning walks, the journal work is part of the process. Something negative happened this time to destroy my peace of mind. Towing the trailer through a storm-the little trailer was bouncing and shaking and I was afraid if I looked up I would see it beside me instead of behind in me the rearview mirror! Fortunately all worked out and we arrived at our destination without incident. This is a lesson for me in control, something I have to work on. I could not control the weather and I can't control my husband. I just had to sit and be. It is so hard to do. JUST BE.

Quiet night

2011-03-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

It is a quiet night, my Friday. Having no one to call and talk to the phone is silent. Conversations were carried on earlier and all is well. Dinner is over, the news is watched and I'm tumbling over visions out of Japan. It has left me still, and thankful for what I have. I've been thinking about friends I have who are hurting. Life is full of good and bad. I've experienced sad and difficult things but am thankful now to have a life that is full of joy. Joy feels like a tender bud that I must protect against the viciousness of the world. I hope I can keep it nurtured and safe, treasured for the precious gift that it is. For I do know that it can be fleeting and feel blessed to have it. I hope that all you are safe and sound and doing well.

A tour

2011-03-12T10:42:00.000-08:00

Come with me on a morning walk, it is a routine. It even occurs in freezing weather and light sprinkles, only heavy rain keeps it from happening-the daily walk. It happens after the shoulder massage and teeth brushing-the dog in our house gets treated well! Today was lovely, so I invited myself along, Penny was kind enough to have me. I love the houses in our neighborhood and decided to share some views with you. With blooming trees and little foliage it is easy to get good views. Penny leads the way though nearly blind she knows the route by heart and clips along at a brave little pace always having to be in the front of the pack. Don't you love the red doors? I hope you all are having a nice week-end.

Friday

2011-03-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

I BELIEVE IN GOD, ONLY I SPELL IT NATURE. frank lloyd wright.

Sunday rainday

2011-03-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

I've had a quiet week-end. Still coming down from my recent art retreat and resting from my work week. Yesterday I went to another bead show and it was wonderful. I'm preparing myself for a giant of all shows the Tucson Gem and Bead show that is in Feb 2012. A friend and I are talking about going to it. I really think that going to smaller shows to begin with would be a good thing, because it is overwhelming at first to go into an auditorium full of beads and gemstones. The one I went to yesterday had 120 vendors and I was in shock and awe. Spending several hours there I wandered around just touching beads and stones feeling the smoothness through my fingers, the cool touch and glassy finish. I am finding that I like the cut of the micro faceted gemstones they seem to catch the light and sparkle so , but they are always the most expensive! Today I'm dodging raindrops as I run outside trying to capture sparkling drops of water on beautiful fruit tree blossoms. It is raining and day that calls for a nap.

A meditation of Sorts

2011-03-01T18:59:00.000-08:00

It was a lovely day, I went for a walk along the water front. Surprisingly the park benches and trails were empty. I was alone except for one or two lone fishermen. Sitting along the bank of the water I tried to blend into the grass and keep the birds from running from me. Watching the shore birds dip their heads into the water, gracefully lift their delicate little legs through the waves-it is easy to imagine that they do not like to get their feet wet the way they so carefully step. The sky was a faded denim blue not the bright blue of days past. Geese and sea gulls sang their harsh songs. The tide was high, salty air, the birds were feeding with intense energy. Just the same it was peaceful sitting there pretending to be grass and the minutes passed quickly. I forgot everything for a while but the sounds of water, birds and the land. A meditation of sorts. I hope you all have a good rest of the week. I am off to work for the next 3 days.

Sunday evening

2011-02-27T18:17:00.000-08:00

Sunday evening, I've had a quiet weekend. It has been cold, snow is on the local mountain top. My tender plants are covered with blankets and towels to protect against the frost. Although the day was sunny and bright. Moving quickly I went for a walk, enjoying the bright pink and blue of magnolias and sky. The colors are so bright it hurts to look for long. Blue, the color of my next project. I went to a gem show yesterday and felt a little out of my element. I do not know anything about gems, cuts, rocks or what is precious or not. I just know what I like. Intimidated but not enough to stop me from buying a few things-I just bought things I liked. It doesn't take long to spend money and the bags are SO little! But now I have stones to work with and I am happy.

Moments

2011-02-24T08:26:00.000-08:00

My flight to another world is over, and it is as if one enters a special world to attend an art retreat. You are spoiled with no worldly cares, food is provided, creativity reigns, and for the most part one is trouble free. Rain drops on my cottage roof lulled me to sleep at night, mist through forest trees was heavy, giant wet snow flakes were a great surprise, my weekend was full of blissful moments. I carried those moments with me into my real world and it was good to remember. Today I remember mossy stairs, leading to covered forest floors damp with wilted flowers beaten by the rain. I remember happy smiles, friendly faces, words of encouragement, kindness and generosity. The beginning of new friendships the anticipation of the future.

Artful Journey

2011-02-21T13:29:00.000-08:00

I'm still flying high from a great retreat. I loved mixing fabric work with jewelry making and it was fun to have many fabric artists in the class who had the same concerns about metal, hammers and torches that I had. It rained the entire time and even snowed! But being busy indoors with beads, silk thread, crochet hooks, and silver I hardly noticed. It is nice taking a three day class and I really recommend it, one does not feel panic to learn the new technique and there is plenty of time to practice. One great thing about An Artful Journey is that the class rooms are open 24 hours a day. I stayed in my little cottage in the woods, but was only there to sleep. Most of my time was spent in the class room practicing. I was determined to get my project done and I did. Incorporating my precious pink pottery bird, that I found on the beach a few years ago. It was good to give my little bird a home at last.

Waiting

2011-02-13T15:32:00.000-08:00

Waiting, something I'm not good at but am having to do. I'm reminded of it on my walks around the neighborhood and see the signs of spring. Emerson says we need to develop the pace of nature-patience. That is what I'm going to have to practice these next three days as I wait for Thursday to come and with it the start of An Artful Journey. Being surrounded by 80+ creative souls has me psyched. I'm ready to soak up ideas, enthusiasm and happiness. It has been a long grey winter. As I've packed my supplies, gone over my list checked it twice--, I've been filled with gratitude. I feel lucky. I am fortunate to be able to attend something so luxurious in this day and age and I'm going to make the best of it. I hope you all have a good week.

Basket case

2011-02-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

DOGS WILL ALWAYS PRESENT YOU WITH PROBLEMS, CONUNDRUMS, SOLUTIONS. stephen j. bodio

Getting Lost

2011-02-10T16:08:00.000-08:00

I must admit to not having many of my own ideas these past few months, at least not creative ones. So I've had to borrow from others. Someone I'm inspired by is Lynne Hoppe. You need to check out her blog it is full of wonderful water colors, words of wisdom, and great quotes. Something I saw her do was paint on old book pages, so I decided to try it and I love it. Every night this week when I've come home from work, I've sat down and painted a little lady on an old yellowed page. It is amazing how everything but the process takes over, it becomes rather meditative for me-daily frustrations disappear and all I'm concerned with is the play of the paint on the page. I love the look of water colors but was always afraid to try them thinking one needed to "know" how to paint to use them. I have no idea how to use them, but I'm making a delightful mess of my water color palette, making silly paintings, and getting lost in the process. I think that is what it is all about.

Yellow Tree

2011-02-06T14:32:00.000-08:00

I went for a Sunday walk. It is the first day I've been out in a long time. The second day of spring like weather that has broken the spell of long grey days. I heard birds that sounded like monkeys, I pretended to be on an African safari. Dogs with long pink tongues. My fleece jacket got too hot as I walked in the sun and it felt good to feel sweat roll down my back. My breath got short and I promised to go walking more often. Bees buzzed around blooming plants. Bicycles quietly sneaking up on me and whistling by. The goal of the walk was to get to the yellow tree and oh was it worth the steps! Glorious in its display of blossoms. A bright beacon against a green background it vibrated with color. " IN ALL THINGS OF NATURE THERE IS SOMETHING OF THE MARVELOUS." aristotle

Nesting

2011-02-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

I've really been digging my heels in this winter and not doing much. Having been plagued with depression for many years of my life I'm always on the look out for its return. I don't think that is what is upon me at the moment I just think that the dismal cold days require a lot of energy to function and leave me with little creative energy. It is funny how now I feel as if I'm doing "nothing" if I'm not creating and yet I still get up go to work, shower, do chores around the house, meet with friends more than I ever did during my depressed years. I've enjoyed this "nesting" period but am feeling it coming to a close I'm getting restless for something more. I've been watching "DOWNTON ABBEY" on PBS it is excellent if you like period pieces from the turn of the century, you can watch it here. Also I discovered the dip pen in my journal class and have been using it to scratch entries into my daily journal. Something about the pen and ink changes my handwriting and it leaves a raised impression on the page that I like. I'm going to continue with nesting for the next couple of weeks, until I go to An Artful Journey, I'll use that as my jump start. The photo is a little dark, but is of my desk in the cozy basement where I've spent so much of my time this winter. The Journey is a poem by Mary Oliver one of my favorites, if you've not read it you must!

Moments of joy

2011-01-29T07:54:00.000-08:00

The work week is over. Yeah! I get to rest, relax, sit by the fire, catch up on my journal and do a little blogging. Experiences instead of situations is what I spent my time thinking about these past days. I read that situations often do not bring us the pleasure we thought they would but experiences-moments in time often bring us joy. I thought a lot about that at work this week, that the work situation on a whole can be rather negative but if I look at the small experiences during the day it is not always so bad. I tried to concentrate on that this week, paying more attention to the little positive things that happened during the day trying to let the negative ones go immediately. I found myself less angry and frustrated when the day was over. It really is a lesson in staying in the moment one that is so important but one that I have to remind my self of over and over again. Enjoying the sunset, fleeting in time as it is was a way of experiencing joy in the desert this past week-end. "THE DAY BROKE LIKE AN EGG INTO FULL SUNSET AND THE WATER CAUGHT FIRE" johnson. I hope you all have a restful week-end.

Refocus

2011-01-24T20:39:00.000-08:00

Relaxing in the Mojave desert is what I've been up to for the past several days. It was glorious to get out of the dreary grey weather and soak up some sunshine for a few short days. The first photo I posted was the view out our trailer window for the time we were there. The desert is so vast it makes one feel small even tiny. I like that especially when I've allowed situations to become big in my mind, I can be in the desert and refocus. Walking along the sandy trails, through sage brush, yucca plants, and the oh so lovely Joshua tree I absorbed the emptiness of the desert and let go. Before I had gone I had purchased a little set of travel water colors and played with putting paint to paper. Again another lesson in letting go. Much of this week-end was spent in refection the desert does that to me it is quiet out there and all that space gives one the chance to ponder. I have more to say on this but not tonight I'll leave you all with a quote I found that I love."WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE ALL ROADS LEAD TO THE SAME END. SO IT IS NOT SO MUCH WHICH ROAD YOU TAKE AS HOW YOU TAKE IT"

Washi tape

2011-01-16T09:18:00.000-08:00

This week-end being behind as usual, I've been constructing my journal for my online journaling class. In doing so I discovered a new love-Washi tape. It is from Japan a type of masking tape that comes in different widths and colors. It is so much fun and makes putting a journal together so easy. I had to take a 2011 day planner and add watercolor paper, envelopes, tags ect to it. The Washi tape made it easy to do and it seems to have held together well. Birds are the subject of my day planner with lots of nice illustrations of birds, also many bird facts. Did you know that the American Robin lives to be 13 years old? And that one ruby throated hummingbird had only 940 feathers? Part of my daily "chore" is to draw how like the weather I feel and one word that describes me. I'm having a little difficulty with today-is misty a weather? It is how I feel, not crying but near tears feeling bad for loved ones that are hurting, and I don't know how to help. Its also misty outside, foghorns blowing in the distance and sense of melancholy in the air.

Buried

2011-01-10T13:24:00.000-08:00

I know that in many places all over the nation people are buried in snow and cold. It is cold here in Ca. but there is no snow. Leaves are heavy on the ground where folk have neglected to rake and it gives good ground cover for that tender spring growth. I've not seen much of the new growth but than I've been doing what most living things do this time of year-hibernating. In my basement is a woodburning stove, I spend much time down there in front of it reading and napping. I often feel like the tender young sprout that is buried in the dirt staying warm during the cold winter months, blossoming in spring. To kick start myself I've begun an online journaling class, called "NO MORE EXCUSES". Off and on through out my entire life I've kept a journal of sorts, visual journals have been wonderful for me and I love the peace of mind they bring me. I am excited about this class, knowing I can start it in my cozy basement and carry it with me into the sunshine this spring.

Creative energy

2011-01-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

It is cold and overcast outside. We were suppose to go to our trailer for the weekend, but the weather was not nice enough so we are staying home. It leaves me a little lost with time on my hands, I know I should be creative but I can't seem to get things together. I've read that the best way to do things is to just start and the juices begin to flow but even that is difficult for me today. In Feb I'm going to An Artful Journey Retreat to take a Nina Bagley workshop. I can't seem to get enough of her. I've taken several workshops from her in the past and just love them, every time I learn something new and I love spending time with her. Also the Artful Journey is a great retreat, taught over 3 days in the redwoods of Northern Ca. with wonderful food, a small group of women less than 100 so it is not too overwhelming. I know that as of last week Nina still had a couple places left in her class if anyone is interested, I highly recommend it. Gathering up supplies for the class is fun, creative in itself. I have a little pottery bird that I hope to incorporate into my design and some lovely pink peruvian opals. Nina will be teaching her crocheting technique which I am quite excited about. I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

GRACE

2010-12-31T13:17:00.000-08:00

I awoke early this morning, the house was cold, but I was warm under the covers with my little "Penny" heater stretched out beside me. As I lay there in the dark waiting for the coffee to brew I thought about what I wanted for the the year ahead. 2010 is over and with it closes a sad chapter in my life, saying goodbye to Lilylovekin. 2011 is a new year open to possiblities. I am not one for making resolutions since I always break them and then feel guilty and awful about myself. This year I am picking a word-one word to represent what I want for the new year. GRACE. Willingness, patience, kindness, understanding, gratitude, humility. Many things come to mind when I think of the word grace and they are words I want to fill my life with. Of course life is a bumpy road and it all sounds good on paper but I can hold the words close to my heart and know that it is about the journey and be thankful for the word forgiveness. I hope you all have a wonderful New Year. My world is a brighter nicer place because of all of you and I thank you all for being there. Lorrie

Creating Memories

2010-12-28T10:08:00.000-08:00

Spoiled rotten, thats what I was this Christmas. Part of my gift was a day at the spa, my mother and I went and had massages on Christmas eve, it was a delightful way to spend the day. A beautiful hand dyed scarf from Lorri Scott of Wayward Threads was a complete surprise and one that I adore, I love her work. My husband gave me a little POGO printer that will be so much fun to have, I'll be able to use it at the trailer, it takes tiny little 2x3 polaroid prints and works off a battery. Along with the wonderful gifts I got was the gift of memories, new memories and old. Having dinner with my aunt, she had cooked a meal in the tradition of my grandmother and it brought back memories of Christmas past. Childhood memories of Christmas eve spent at my grandmothers with aunts, uncles, cousins, in a crowded tiny house, tables overflowing, presents everywhere, laughter and noise. At times a little overwhelming for a protected shy little girl but I loved every minute of it. It is good to remember the memories of the past and I treasure them greatly. I hope you all created some good memories this holiday season.

What now?

2010-12-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

Currently I have nothing going on. My life is rather boring and dull, but to me it feels peaceful and calm. This is what I did this rainy Sunday finished reading a book, had coffee with my best friend, sat in front of a fire, and held a warm dog in my lap. I am waiting for the next thing to happen. We leave Thursday for a trip to Scottsdale to spend Christmas with my mother, it will be the first time in years we have been together for this holiday. I'm looking forward to it. My presents are wrapped and under the tree, there is no last minute frenzy to take part in-I am ready. I hope you all are having a happy and joyous holiday season.

Mix and match

2010-12-13T18:06:00.000-08:00

As I said earlier I've been cleaning and sorting. Going slowly through things getting a jump start on spring cleaning. I've spent time in my second bedroom, it is full of all my art supplies. The supplies slow me to a near stop, at every turn I see something I've forgotten. Projects partially done, items bought for projects not started. I found this little piece tucked away in the corner and dusted it off, it was something I made a while back and had forgotten about-well it is the perfect home for the little Cathy Cullis doll I had sitting on my bookcase that needed a home. Check out her blog she does beautiful paintings, embroidery, and has a poetry blog. Treasures keep popping up around my house it is like Christmas a week early.

Treasured memories

2010-12-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

A MEMORY IS WHAT IS LEFT WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS AND DOES NOT COMPLETELY UNHAPPEN. edward de bono. I've had some time off and we usually go to our trailer but due to weather we are staying home. So instead I've been cleaning, sorting, and throwing things away. Going through "my stuff" stirring up memories. I still miss Lily every day and often think I hear her in the house. I found this old photo of the three of us taken one winter day in Santa Fe. I remember the day so clearly, it was beautiful. Sparkling snow like diamonds, Lily running through the woods, she loved to dig and roll in snow. Crisp fresh air to breath. Good memories and ones I love to reflect on. It slows down the cleaning process but makes it like a treasure hunt full of precious times and moments.

True

2010-12-05T11:58:00.000-08:00

TODAY YOU ARE YOU, THAT IS TRUER THAN TRUE. THERE IS NO ONE ALIVE WHO IS YOUER THAN YOU. dr. seuss. It is one of those rainy lazy Sundays. I'm sitting by my space heater keeping nice and warm and thinking about how over all my life is good. Today I am happy to be me. That has taken me some work and time, it was not always like that. Liking myself I find I have to be true to myself and that is something I still work at, it is difficult for me to set boundaries. I'm still afraid of hurting peoples feelings, and need to learn ways to be gentle and kind. Being true to myself requires that I know myself, my inner voice is very quiet and I have to listen carefully. Surrounding myself with positive people helps keep that voice alive and is one of the things I've done to help myself. It meant cutting out the negative, which has not been easy but has been so important for me. Everyday I learn more, for me life is about the journey and so every day has become very important, and not just another step towards some final destination. My photo is of a Nina Bagley charm, you can find her work at Ornamental.

Happiness

2010-11-30T12:39:00.000-08:00

ALWAYS LEAVE ENOUGH ROOM IN YOUR LIFE TO DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, SATISFIED, OR EVEN JOYOUS. paul hawkin. Today I had coffee with my sister something that makes me happy. I had greek yogurt with raspberries another thing that makes me happy. What did you to add joy and happiness to your life today?

Touching Heaven

2010-11-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

TO SPEAK GRATITUDE IS COURTEOUS AND PLEASANT, TO ENACT GRATITUDE IS GENEROUS AND NOBLE, BUT TO LIVE GRATITUDE IS TO TOUCH HEAVEN. johannes a. gaertner. I hope you are all touching a little heaven this Thanksgiving- all my love to you Lorrie

Precious time

2010-11-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

The hours in the day are short this time of year and daylight is precious. I feel that way about life a little bit, time is precious. It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving is nearly upon us and that means Christmas is right around the corner. It is also the time of year that my birthday arrives and all these events put me in a dizzy spinning mood. There are changes in the air this year in our family. My mom has been going through some difficult times and has had to make some adjustments in her life style. It has included much family effort especially that of my sister. I am going there the week-end of Thanksgiving to offer love and support, I am anxious to see the changes that have taken place. Change is difficult and hard to maintain. Getting old is not easy, there is no instruction manuel and it is hard to know if the decisions one makes are the correct ones. I am hoping that these changes my mother is making will make for some happy golden years, time is precious and I want to experience the best that we can. So far my mother is happy and motivated and I am grateful.

Visiting the Mojave

2010-11-16T08:04:00.000-08:00

I've been away from my blog for a few days. Visiting the desert and having a good time. Time slows way down during my days in the desert and I got to spend time watching the sun move across the sky. This time of year the sun barely gets up before it starts to set and it tends to make me feel lazy all day. Light is always filtered and golden. Penny Penny and I went on several walks during our time in the desert. There is not much to see this time of year, everything is sleeping or getting ready for sleep. Colors are washed out, muted, dusty. But still we enjoyed the peace and quiet. I did notice that there has been rain in the washes and reading the local paper it predicts that there will be a beautiful spring of desert flowers. It will be fun to return in the spring and see the differences.

High Sierra

2010-11-06T08:34:00.000-07:00

Still wishing I was in the Alabama Hills I relived the atmosphere by watching one of my favorite old movies last night. I'm an old movie buff and love the old film noir crime dramas of the 40s. This move called "High Sierra" as quoted from wikipedia "features Ida Lupino and Humphrey Bogart and was directed by Raoul Walsh on location at Whitney Portal halfway up Mt. Whitney". There is a little trailer of it you can watch on youtube herehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7kny3itNYQ. I believe you could also rent the movie on Netflix if you are interested. I have an entire collection of old black and white movies and love to watch them and have them as back ground noise as I am working around the the house. Something that takes me back to a comfortable time visiting my grandmother when I was a child and staying up late at night watching old movies on tv. It reminds me of good times. I hope you all have a good weekend and are enjoying the fall weather.

Moving Bambi

2010-11-02T08:43:00.000-07:00

It has been quiet in our home, we have been out of town. Moving our trailer from the summer mountains to the winter desert. It is a trek we make twice a year and usually occurs in the fall around Halloween. We travel with our trailer a distance of approx. 400 miles and do it over a 3 day period. It is not to difficult but we go over many mountain passes and travel through stretches of highway that can be very windy and gusty. Half way through the trip we stay in an area called the Alabama Hills, I love it there. It is at the base of Mt. Whitney, full of rocks and boulders and wonderful little roads that lead to no where. We spent 2 days there this year and I was very happy so was Penny and that is something! During the time there I spent many a moment walking and wandering just getting lost in the largeness of the place. I was allowing problems at home to become very large and it was important for me to spend some quality time with nature to realize the size and importance of myself in the grand scheme of things. The peace and quiet was good medicine for me.

Acceptance

2010-10-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

It has been rainy and cold here. I've not gone out and taken new photos but I've been looking through my files and found these that I am posting. Light, color, wrinkles, and textures I found appealing in the aging cosmos of my garden. I am lucky that these cosmos self seed every year and bring late summer color to my back yard. Just like me-late bloomers. These flowers got me reflecting on the thoughts of aging the joys and agony of the process. How at 54 I love where I am mentally and emotionally, I have peace of mind and have worked through that terrible thought process of being afraid of "what others think". And yet I still struggle with what is happening with my body physically. I don't like the "character" my body is developing the wrinkles, sagging skin, the grey hair, all my texture. I do have faith that I will come to accept this it just takes time, talking about it helps and I am glad you are all here to listen to me. I hope you have a lovely week-end.

A Dogs walk

2010-10-19T15:31:00.000-07:00

I SAW OCTOBER AWAKENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND IT WAS AMAZING BECAUSE I KNEW THAT I WAS GOING TO BE A PART OF OCTOBER. aldo kraas. This morning I went with Penny (my little Bichon) for a walk. It is her routine and you can set your morning clock by it 9:15 sharp. I usually do not go but this morning decided to join in. The morning did not disappoint, it was beautiful a clear blue sky not a cloud to be seen. I needed the fresh air to clear my mind of a cob web of thoughts that have been jumbled there for the past few days. There is nothing like exercise to ease the mind of its heavy loads of thoughts. I also find that I get lost with my camera and that taking pictures is sort of a meditative process for me-I think of nothing but the camera and what I am looking at all other thoughts are gone. I find that very restful. And so though my body was getting activity my mind was getting a long needed rest. It was a good walk.

Safe harbor

2010-10-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

Fall is a beautiful time of year. I love the coolness in the air, the soft feel of fleece against my skin and the warmth of a cup of coffee in my hand. It is a time for snuggling in and making a nest, something I love doing. I love my home. Adventure is great but at the end of the day home is best. I can spend hours wandering around my house rearranging and touching things. I waste a lot of time doing this but it seems to ground me. Especially when I am out of sorts or feeling overwhelmed. I've been learning lessons in boundary setting these past weeks and it is difficult. The first part of setting a boundary (for me) is knowing what my need is and that is hard for me. Knowing and stating my needs has been a difficult thing for me to do. I grew up always thinking of others and thinking that if their needs were met then I would be ok. It took quite a while to realize that before I could really take care of others I had to treasure myself and what I wanted. Today I hold those needs close to my heart and protect them carefully because they have been discovered with great searching. My home is some place where I always feel protected and safe.

For the birds

2010-10-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

Indian summer days are upon us in northern Ca. it is hotter now than it was all summer. Yesterday I went for a walk down by the marina and through the bird reserve. There are many a Canadian goose laying over for winter, they are either tired of the long commute south or are wounded in some way. I miss watching the geese fly over in the V formation something I use to do in Michigan. It was something as a child I would always pause at and say a prayer I can remember it so clearly the overcast skies, the honking geese and a prayer of safe journeys. This day was bright and sunny and the birds were busy singing and feeding. I just wandered from pond to pond enjoying the late October light. It is so low in the sky and so warm, everything feels golden, weeds even look special in the light. It was a beautiful walk. I hope you are all enjoying the October light in your neck of the woods.

Dusty Mauve

2010-10-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

My hydrangeas have turned dry and dusty I love them, I think almost better than when they are bright and fresh. Looking at my flowers I realize that nature takes time and creates a different stage of beauty with it. I need to realize that it is my inner self that matters and the energy I create with love. Time becomes more precious as one gets older and I'm trying hard to make each day count as best I can. Of course I mess up all the time that is life, but I've learned to forgive myself. Forgiving myself was a hard lesson to learn but it has made life so much easier. I quit taking myself so seriously-it was only myself who was beating me up. No one cared about the things that I thought were so important, life has become so much easier the more I have let go of. Fear held me so imprisoned when I was young and I am learning to let fear go. Nothing has killed or even hurt me yet so I'm going to keep moving forward.

Art and Soul

2010-10-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

ART and SOUL is over, it was my first experience at one. I had a delightful time. First of all I got to spend time with my sister, something I love to do and second I got to take a three day class from Nina Bagley and spend time with her something I love to do. It was win win for me. Class was great, Nina taught all kinds of techniques from wire wrapping to resin, we drilled holes in stones, made cloth beads and wire beads, information went on and on over and out of my head. But I did retain enough to complete a necklace and one that I was pleased with. In my photos you will see where I still need to practice with stamping. I did miss being out of doors since the event was held at the Embassy Suite right at the airport and there was no "outdoors" to go to but we were very busy all of the time and hardly missed it. I stayed an extra day and helped my sister with Vendor night when the artist sell their wares it is a busy and crazy time, we look a little shell shocked in the photo! It was a pleasure to put our feet up that last night with our pjs on and order room service a great way to end a good time together.