Monster Dolls

I got to spend part of my day with a friend "crafting" and visiting. She was suppose to be at an outdoor art show selling her Monster dolls, but it is rainy and cold here so she stayed home. This was lucky for me because I got to visit with her and even was given a doll! They are so cute and charming, each come with their own little tag and tell a tale about the doll. If you are looking for a Christmas gift you should check out her Esty store, she has them for sale there. I must say that this year I am having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit. It is not that I am a scrooge, it is just that is does not feel like Christmas at all. Maybe that is what happens as one gets older, but I hate to think that I've lost the ability to feel "magic". Its just that everyday feels just like the next and nothing seems special. The secret might be that I have to make it happen and that I can't wait for it to happen to me.

Rainy Friday

The rain has come as promised and this is good because we need the water. I've been playing with my camera trying to figure out how to take a decent picture indoors without a flash so far no luck. The dogs are tired of running away from me and I am tired of chasing them around for that perfect picture. I read on a blog somewhere about a woman having her blog printed into a book, it sounds like kind of a neat idea. I copied down the site Blog2print-check it out. I think of my blog as a journal and it might be nice to have a permanent record of it. They copy your photos, comments and everything. I've been busy today puttering around my studio moving piles of projects from one location to another. Its a good way to keep moving and feel one is being productive. My mind is still in that grey soft zone.

Hibernation

Cozy, grey, soft days of December. The sun never fully rises in the sky and so it seems that nothing ever fully awakens. That is how I feel-locked away in my warm studio away from the outside world. I'm feeling better today, drinking tea and up and about. Although that is not too far. My mind feels slow and sluggish as if it is in hibernation. I am much more aware of the little things and can spend much time studying a necklace given as a gift, or a leaf floating on a frozen lake, discovering a spark plug among my garden stones. Before I realize it the day is past and the sleepy sun is setting in the west, getting dark at 4pm and it seems like it never got daylight. I'm enjoying this time of rest and relaxing with it knowing that it will pass just like the seasons and that soon I'll feel energized and full of life.

Frost

It is biting cold in this part of the country. We even woke up to snow on our local mountain top on Monday morning and though that happens occasionally in the winter one knows it is cold when it does. At my house I am only lucky enough to be able to have to scrap frost off of my windshield in the early morning and watch my garden take is last gasp of breath and die a quick death from frost bite. I stayed home from work today fighting the flu bug, with a nonestop headache and low grade fever. This afternoon I left my sick bed to wander the yard and witnessed the destruction of the cold of the past few days. No fluffy white magical covering of white. Just brown and black wet leaves, withered grapes on the vine brown and rotting. Your fingers go numb as you touch the dead flower heads and once you come inside they tingle to life with little electric shocks. I found ice inside my watering containers. The fresh air and cold took my mind off my headache so right now I'm feeling a little better. The long days of winter are upon us, my garden is taking it's rightful nap and though I am sad to see it so dismal looking, I still found beauty and know that spring will be here soon.

Good friend

An overcast cool day. Visiting with a friend, sipping tea by the glow of a candle. Good conversation that warms your soul and makes you forget it is cold outside. I feel so fortunate to have a friend who I can share my deep and darkest secrets. It seems like no matter what I share she accepts me and never acts shocked or dismayed. We've known each other nearly 20 years through good and bad times and I can't imagine life without her. I know that no matter what I need or when I need it I could give her a call and she would be there. There is a deep sense of security and comfort that comes from having a friend as good as that in your life. I feel so blessed and so thankful that I was able to spend part of my day with her. I have spent this weekend doing nothing, resting up for the busy work week ahead. I hope you all have a good week.

New old dress

I've become obsessed with old dresses, the lace, trim, buttons, and fabric. If it is torn or worn this is just fine and makes it more interesting. This started with a wedding dress my sister won on ebay and that we cut up for the old satin material. It was frayed and nearly falling apart but sewed up so beautifully when I added it to the old purse I've been making. Well last week end I won an old edwardian dress on ebay. It is gorgeous and I love it. Right now I have it hanging up in my studio, but someday when I have the courage I will cut it up and use it in my fabric art pieces. Today has been a quiet day recovering from the past work week, getting ready for the next. I hope you are all having a good week end.

Feelings

Well for the first time in many weeks I worked my full hours for the week. My legs are letting me know but they are happy because they don't have to get up in the morning. I am sitting in my studio near the heater with a cup of warm tea. Tonight I am tired and have rather black thoughts. When I've been able to think these past few days my thoughts have often gone to the conversations of the past week end with my family women folk. We spent much time talking about feelings and trusting your feelings. I realize I hardly know my own feelings let alone trust that they are real or not. I usually rely on the people closest to me to determine how I "feel", if they are happy I am happy. I really want this to change as scary as it might be and how it might rock the boat. I want to start owning and declaring my feelings, believing in them. I'm not sure how to go about this but tomorrow when I am less tired it won't feel so scary.