Checking in

Just checking in on a Friday evening. It has been a long week at work. Some weeks the days repeat themselves with numbing repetition. I wander through the time in a fog wishing hours away and in doing so wish my life away. I was sent home early from work today and that was fine with me I had lost interest in the day way before it even started. I am new at creating my own joy and that is what I must do-when I get in these bored restless moods I have to come up with a way to stop the process. It is difficult for me to feel too joyful when there is so much suffering in the world today-the news out of Haiti is so sad. It makes ones problems seem selfish, self centered, and small. I can only send prayers and best wishes to the people of Haiti, but those prayers come from a heart full of love and compassion.

Grey-lonely days

Primroses that bright splash of color in the garden section on these grey winter days. I'm feeling a little grey myself today-missing my sister. The joy that company brings is always replaced with an empty hole once they leave. It always takes me a few days to adjust to being alone. I will be in Scottsdale in the next 2 weeks so I will see her and my mother soon. My mother was not as lucky as we had thought, and does have a kidney tumor. She will have to have the entire kidney removed, fortunately her other kidney is very healthy. Removing the kidney will be considered a "cure" and no chemo or radiation will be necessary-Thank goodness! My guts about this tell me that everything will be ok, I just wish my mother did not have to go through something so major. But all in all we are very lucky.

Julie's World

It has been a busy creative weekend in the Lilylovekin home. Sat. was absolutely wonderful, I am posting many pictures. We started at 9am with instructions on how to make paper clay "creatures". My sister already had one made for us in our kits that she then taught us to paint using colored pencils or a dry brush technique. Breaking for lunch everyone was given chile and cornbread, it was a good day for it overcast and rainy. In the afternoon the real fun began, more painting of the "creatures" and decorating with beads, lace, glitter, fabric, ect. The creative energy in the house was amazing it was fun, light hearted full of up lifting spirit. Finally at around 4pm with finished projects in hand everyone went home. Julie's World is an amazing place one that is constantly moving, full of ideas, full of solutions, a place where one walks away from feeling they have been someplace special.

A visit

Happy days in the Lilylovekin home, my sister is coming to visit. I have 6 women coming to my house on Sat. and she is going to teach us the magic of paper clay and paint. I'm not going to fight a war about heat this time but am going to put her in the basement. It is crowded and dark but warm, I think a bouquet of flowers and a bowl of chocolates will help her feel welcome. I'm also going to extend my work space so we can stay out of my husbands hair as we chatter and create. It should be a warm peaceful weekend. I love getting together with my sister she inspires me on so many levels. It does not work for us to live close to each other, but I feel in my bones that someday we will and that excites me.

Control

Having to control people and situations can be a very tiring place. Wanting and always needing to be right is exhausting, the only person who appreciates it is you-it leaves one very lonely. I am learning to give up control to live by the motto that it is better to be happy than right. The trick is to do so and not be walked on. It is a paradox that in surrender one finds true strength. By taking time to pause, be still, to do nothing is action in itself. In that quiet place there is often a simple answer. As hard as it may be I can only look at myself and study myself- I only have control of how I act and respond. Do I want to be happy or right?

Happiness

I've set up a quiet little place in the basement to work. It is warm in our basement we have a pellet stove that burns away with a bright cheerful flame. To my right is my computer that I have Pandora Radio playing through and at my little "desk" I've been messing around in my journal. I can stop and catch my breath and look no further for happiness. I've found happiness in a dark, crowded, overfull basement. On the pages of old books, words pop up, cut out-I arrange them in some sort of order. I call them poems for lack of a better word but they are nonsense except to me. My journal pages are full of nonsensical images cut from magazines colored with crayons, and pencils, words written that make little sense. Its a place I allow myself to play and I LOVE IT!!!

Misty New Year

Watching the blue moon holding court in a cloud filled sky as misty waves washed over the bright shiny light, I was filled with a sense of awe. Nature is powerful in its displays of beauty, and 2010 was brought in with glory. During the night I was awoken by distant cheers and fireworks, dazed and confused it took me a moment to realize the new decade was here. But then I buried myself deeper in my warm blankets, and cuddled close to warm little dogs. Today is still and misty as if the world is resting after a night of bright light and noise. Walking along the water front this morning I reflected on the past decade, my thoughts were full. So much has happened, as one gets older loss is a familiar refrain and there has been a lot of loss. But there has been much happiness and joy memories of bright and good times, times of never letting go of. What the next years hold remain a mystery hidden in the mist but I hope to meet it all with grace and handle it the best that I can always trying to remain grateful what I've been blessed with.