I spent a lovely day on the beach not long ago. Our winter has been mild, little rain or cold days. It allows for beautiful days to wander the beach. Driving through hilly green pastures, stopping at the cheese factory for local brie. The joy of the beach is also the journey of getting there. Once on the beach the wind was mild, the smell of sea salt tangy and sharp, bird songs clear and crisp, the waves crashing on the shore. There are few shells on this beach but many a scattered bird feather. Not much to be found to put in my pocket as I so like to do. I always wonder why some beaches are so good for treasures and others not. The treasures I found this time where just peace of mind and tired muscles after a nice long walk-good for the soul. Although I've not been posting much my thoughts are with you all.
Hi there. It has been a while since I've posted, but it does not mean that my life is quiet. In fact my head is spinning with thoughts but none that easily get out of my head and are put into print. Sometimes I feel like a broken record, a circle that goes round and round. I've been writing putting words to paper-real paper, feeling the pen against the grain. That is where I've spent the past few weeks. This past week-end I visited my mother in Scottsdale. I've not seen her since her surgery and it was good to have her up and about. Dealing with issues of an aging parent is frustrating and scary. I've yet to figure out the positive in it. This is partly what I write about in my journal, a purging. I also write to find courage and I only find that by living through a day at a time and discovering that what I was so afraid of did not kill me. When thoughts stay in my mind they tend to grow and distort. Little bumps become mountains. That is the importance of my journal, it frees me. Words that belong in private, stored away out of my head. From "dear diary" of years ago, to colorful pages of today my journals are a source of pleasure, release and sanity.
There has not been much going on lately in my house. I marvel at the straggling roses in my neighbors yard, it is cold and dry yet an occasional beautiful flower springs forth. Everyday in my yoga class my instructor tells us to empty our minds, and set our intention for the coming day. I want to be like the rose, blooming in the cold and dry. Even when inspiration and motivation leaves me still moving forward and being ok. I have been busy making a few more journals but have not been inspired enough to open the pages. Putting paint, words and paper elements to the stark white pages seems daunting to me. If there is faith there is no room for fear. This week-end I get together with my art girl friends, there I will find the inspiration to break the ice.
There is nothing like the end of a year for one to reflect. I've spent some of the day thinking back on the past year, it was a full one. I had experiences I never anticipated when the new year started. Some of them good, some not so good. It is like traveling down a road, you never know what to expect. You can make plans, resolutions, set goals, and then life happens. It is how you handle that "life" that sets the course. Along the way you learn things about yourself and others. This past year I learned about trust, I learned about love, it was taught to me in unexpected ways, some of them difficult. I realize that life is always evolving, moving never stagnant, things are always changing. This year as I travel the road of 2012, I want to face it with COURAGE. Push myself to act instead of react, reach out instead of always holding on. Thank you for all the best wishes for the new year, my wish for you is happiness and peace of mind for 2012.
Up the street from us is a Christmas house, full of lights, music, the spirit of the season. To tour it helps bring the season alive. Music, hushed voices, children's laughter adds to the sparkle of the lights. My holidays are quiet this year, full of thanks. Gifts impossible to put a monetary value on. My list of thanks is long. And on that list is the friends of my blog, I'm grateful for everyone of you. I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday season, full of love, family and kindness.
As Christmas fast approaches I find myself thinking of it less and less. This year there is no family involvement and so it is quiet. Work is busy, the days there long and tedious there is no thought for anything but the job. But it is peaceful and I'm tired from days at work, and the cold weather keeps one under wraps. Today I worked on my journal. It was fun. I went to my best friends house (who is taking the FTB class also) we drank coffee, chitchatted and explored our way through the instructions. I finished my first book, and started a second. As I write this post I realize that even if I'm not celebrating Christmas this year with lots of gifts and parties, I am celebrating it with simple times of love. Wishing you all much love.
Things did not go the way I planned this past week. One in particular big expensive money bump in the road. Several thousands of dollars later and all is well, but it was not easy. I had to be a grown up and take care of adult responsibilities. It is hard to sometimes realize that you are it. You really are the one taking care of yourself. Somedays this comes as a big surprise to me even after all these years. My network is small. Slowly I work at growing that network. Trust is difficult, to put yourself out there to expose your heart to others. Today I had coffee with a group of women I'm learning to trust and like. It is a small step but big for me. When I was younger the friends I had were casual and fleeting but now I look for something deeper. There are fewer to love as we age and the importance of family and friends takes on more meaning. I hope you all treasure those close to you.