Tomorrow morning we head for "Bambi". We will be gone until Monday. I am looking forward to the get away. The weather is suppose to be cold and not to pleasant but I'll dress warm and drink lots of coffee. Thank you so much for your words of support. I appreciate them all and am actually feeling a little better which is nice because it makes going away easier. Until Monday, have a wonderful Halloween and a good rest of the week.
I've been sitting at my computer for the past several minutes I've even written a couple of starting sentences and have erased them all. Nothing seems to fit, nothing feels right. I suppose you could say I'm feeling a little blue although I have no reason for it. Everything is going well in my life. But today and yesterday I felt little joy. Feeling joy is a new experience for me and one that I treasure. On the days that it is missing I realize it immediately and become afraid that the old way of life is back. So far I have been able to return to a place of joy without difficulty and I know that this will pass it is just a scary place to be right now. I've been trying to journal and write about how I feel, this is new behavior for me and difficult when all I want to do is curl up and hide in my bed. This weekend we make a road trip to "Bambi" to move her from the mountains to the desert. I am hoping that a change in environment will help with a change in attitude and that I will come home feeling better. Until then I will not panic but put one foot in front of me and keep doing the next right thing.
Today is a nothing day-I write about nothing. The blankness of my mind. Getting up, drinking coffee, a hot shower. Driving to the market, picking over the last of the tomatoes. They are like candy in your mouth so sugary sweet. Admiring the gorgeous pumpkins and squashes but being intimidated by their size-what to do with them? Feeling hot autumn sun on my back and wishing I had worn shorts realizing my outfit was to warm for the Indian summer day we would be having. Deciding to go the the used book store and try to find something new to read. Ending up at TJMAX and buying a pair of fleece lined Crocs that are so comfortable I never want to take them off! Enjoying a day off. Doing nothing. Recovering from a hard week at work, getting ready for another. What ever you are doing this week-end either something or nothing-ENJOY!
Today I got to spend the morning with my best friend. She has reduced her work hours and wanted to spend part of her first day off with me! I felt lucky and blessed. We spent the morning sitting around my dinning room table, drinking coffee, and visiting. We also were working on various projects her-monster dolls and me my journal. I always feel so much better after time spent with a good friend. One who understands you and if they don't, cares enough to listen and try to understand. Helping you solve problems or at least listening to you. Having someone in your life that listens to you and really hears you is so important. My husband bless his heart listens to me but I don't know if he always hears me. But I forgive him that, after all he lives with me day in and out. Today was a day for listening, hearing and sharing.
Currently I am taking an online point and shoot journaling class from LK Ludwig. I find that I like the format of an online class. It allows me to take the class when ever I feel like it, to repeat it as necessary and to not feel any pressure. The first assignment was Resonate-to relate harmoniously. You had to pick two photos from your collection that struck a cord with you either visually or emotionally. Writing down a list of verbs and adjectives you wrote out feeling sentences, that expressed your feelings around the photos. Using a white gel pen I wrote the words and sentences on my photos. I then scratched the photos using a paper clip-I like the worn torn up look that this achieved. Photos of big ripe pumpkins "echoed" my thoughts of the first two photos I had chosen. The words that came up for me were pregnant, full, complete, proud, robust, satisfaction, finished. "Satisfied of a job well done, her tired trunk bent with the weight of her plump harvest."
I went to the farmers market in hopes of late season tomatoes but was out of luck, there were none. I could eat summer ripe tomatoes year round and never be tired of them. Oh well it looks as if I'll have to wait until next year. The market was full of fall bounty, squash, pumpkins, gourds, pomegranates, and persimmons. I tasted a persimmon and did not like the taste, it reminded me of an apple with all of the sweetness and juice sucked out of it-needless to say I didn't buy any. I'm now home having started my day early. The sky is over cast and a cool front has blown in. The perfect day for an afternoon bath and a nap. Tonight I'm roasting some butternut squash in the oven with alittle olive oil and rosemary. Not sure what the protein will be but the idea of roasting squash sounds warm and homey and I'm in the mood for that. Hope you are all having a lovely Sunday.
Today I attended a book arts Jam sponsored by BABA (Bay Area Book Artist). This is a loosely organized group of artists who support one another in all aspects of creating books. The Jam is a behind the scenes look at all the creative processes that are used by book artist. I went with a friend who is very much into book making, and who has helped me with book binding in the past. It is held in a beautiful part of the bay area down near Stanford University. There were several demonstrations on different types of binding techniques, print making, and a lecture on mail art. But my heart was into shopping today. I enjoyed the exhibitors the best and spent most of my time with them. There were lovely displays of hand made books, and I bought a small leather one filled with watercolor paper. There was a woman selling old ledgers, her prices were very reasonable and I bought 3 of them I could not decide which one I liked best. I plan to convert them to lovely journals filled with watercolor paper-with my friends help of course. It was a successful day.
Memories of Monday and Disneyland continue to float through my head. I can't get away from the sound of children's laughter and glee. Their excited loud voices crying out or making train sounds down the corridor of a hotel. Me-worried that I was disturbing people behind closed doors and then remembering that this was Disneyland! Making messes at dinner and having the waiters not seem to mind. I loved that time slowed down although I had difficulty slowing down. I have alot of trouble with memories of my own childhood and so it was nice to spend a day and know that I must have been like this at one time or another. To be so free and have things so simple. I marveled at the curiosity and the never ending supply of energy. I was so happy for my mother who got to watch her great grandchildren enjoy life to the fullest. I talked with my mother today, she is home, resting and I hope she feels good knowing that the little ones and this big one had a great treat.
Recovering from the Disneyland trip and our first big winter rain storm my husband and I hit the scenic highway near our home and went for a hike. As I've said before fall is my favorite time of year and today was one of those reasons why. The air was warm and muggy following a nasty storm, but the naked branches twinkled with sparkling raindrops. Even with the warm air everything felt clean, like stepping into a wash room on laundry day. Scents were intensified and the smell of musty leaves, and the strong eucalyptus aroma filled the air. Traffic noises faded the further we walked and soon all I heard was the rustle of leaves and my feet padding on the pavement. The sky never turned blue but remained overcast with dark storm clouds occasionally floating overhead,the remains of the storm blowing itself out. Not a crisp fall day but a soft cottony day, one that makes you love the outdoors and still appreciate the feel of a cup of tea at the end of a good hike.
In my last post I mentioned a trip I was taking well I've gone and come back. Leaving early Sunday morning and returning this morning. I met my family in Disneyland, and spent the day with them there on Monday. My 76 year old mother has wanted to take her great grandchildren to Disneyland for several years and this year it happened. My entire family went my sister, my niece and my great niece and nephew. What a wonderful day. They get to stay for 2 more days but I was lucky to be able to spend the day with them. Spending the day with two little ones brings the child back to life. It was a joy to experience their excitement and enthusiasm for everything. We rode ride after ride, walked and walked and they never got tired, they never complained either. I was shocked-I expected whining and temper tantrums. I guess they were just so happy to be at Disneyland nothing could make them upset. Walking back to the hotel after a busy active day we walked past a live band and I actually started to dance! I realized then that I had opened up to the possibility of play and had my niece and nephew to thank for it. I wish they could understand how full my heart is tonight and how wonderful the gift is that they have given me.
Today is art day at my house. I am playing hostess to 5 women who will spend the day around my dinning room table creating art. This group tries to get together every 6 weeks. Everyone brings their own project and a different woman plays hostess. Today it is my turn. I was hungry when I went shopping so I hope they are ready to eat all the junk food I bought! It is always a delight to spend the day with like minded souls. To recharge your batteries in the creative department, to get new ideas, and spark the old. I am ready for a distraction because my mind has been driving me crazy about an up coming trip that I'll tell you about in a later post. Today I plan to visit with friends, eat good snacks, and create some art. I hope you all have a lovely day.
Afternoon naps usually the most delightful activity of the truly leisure set. Yesterday I worked on my day off but was sent home early and so felt I deserved a nap. My body must have felt I more than deserved one because I laid down at 3pm and woke up at 6:30pm! Some nap and then was only woken up by a daymare. Not technically a nightmare because of the time of day, and that made it all the worse. I could not get it out of my mind. I wish I could have taken my brain out of my head and given it a good scrubbing! After a hot bath, a cup of tea, dinner, watching an awful movie and going back to bed for 10 more hours I was able to wake up this morning with a distant memory of the dream. It is amazing to me how dreams can transport you to good or bad places. How they can recreate feelings that reawaken emotions long thought put to rest. It just goes to show how powerful the mind is and how our thoughts good and bad control our lives. I believe that living a life of positive thoughts is so good for you, very difficult to do at times but life is so much better when it can be achieved.
Lilylovekin with the help of my husband and several Beggin Strips picked the name out of the pot. The winner of the little quote book is Karen of Sadies Silken Threads. Karen if you would be so kind as to send me your email address I'll contact you re: mailing info. I just want to give a big thank you to those who read my blog and leave comments. As I've said I've come to look forward to the interaction and consider you friends. My days feel incomplete when I don't get to send off a post. I think of my self as a very private person who spends much time alone. The blog has created a safe way for me to start to get out of myself and open up. Your comments make me feel accepted and appreciated and that is always nice. I am slowly working at revealing more feelings and sharing deeper joys and pains, it is a snail pace progress but you make it much easier. Thank you for being there.
Being the first sunday of the month it was the Alameda Flea Market. This time I was more prepared for the size so I wasn't in a state of shock and awe the entire time I was there. Also I was on a mission looking for items that would call my name and say take me home. In Feb. I am taking a class from Nina Bagley and am looking for items to take to her class. I know they will call to me and say "take me with you" when I see them. I have to open my self up to all possibilities, the Alameda Flea Market was the perfect venue for such a search. It was a lovely day to be out and about, sunny skies and no wind which is almost unheard of when you are near the San Francisco Bay. Not as many tiny things were calling to me today but I was not discouraged. I kept my eyes off the large items, especially the gorgeous vintage posters, oh how I lust after some of those! At the last stall as I was walking out the door my eye spied this little set of poetry books, they were not only saying "take me" they were screaming at me. Not only were they in my price range the lady bargained with me! People were kind and let me take photos of items I wanted but left behind. I am sharing these with you, besides some pictures of my lovely little books.
Today was the most glorious fall day ever. Blue skies, light winds, warm air with an underlay of crispness to it. The leaves were rustling in the trees. I went to the farmers market and fell in love with all the pumpkins and gourds that were there. As I headed back to my car I thought about how I loved my life and wanted nothing to change. Driving home thinking about change I realized that nothing ever stays the same. And how boring life would be if it did. The only thing one can be sure of is that things will change, but it is how we react to change that makes it acceptable or disastrous. Things are going well for me right now but I know that this to will change, there will be times ahead that are difficult. I hope I am learning during this time of peace to know the lessons of gratitude and acceptance. So that when the difficult times come I will travel through them with grace and dignity.
Afew days ago as I looked at my blog I realized that my next post would be number 100. It made me nervous. Fortunately I was at work and had a couple days to think about it before I made an entry. I can't believe that I've sat down at this site and made an entry 100 times, that people have stopped by to read what I write and that I have come to count on those people. That I've made friends in blog land, people that I care about, check in with on a daily basis and have become concerned about the goings on of their lives. I'm developing a keener interest in life and am trying to be more in tune with my feelings and express them instead of ignoring them. I'm discovering that putting thoughts into words makes them real. My life has become more positive and full because of my blog, something I never would have believed when I started it. To celebrate the event I've gotten a little quote book to give away. Anyone interested just leave a comment on this post, Sat, or Sunday. I'll put the names in a pot and have Lilylovekin(with my husbands help) pick out a name, we will do this Monday.