GRACE

I awoke early this morning, the house was cold, but I was warm under the covers with my little "Penny" heater stretched out beside me. As I lay there in the dark waiting for the coffee to brew I thought about what I wanted for the the year ahead. 2010 is over and with it closes a sad chapter in my life, saying goodbye to Lilylovekin. 2011 is a new year open to possiblities. I am not one for making resolutions since I always break them and then feel guilty and awful about myself. This year I am picking a word-one word to represent what I want for the new year. GRACE. Willingness, patience, kindness, understanding, gratitude, humility. Many things come to mind when I think of the word grace and they are words I want to fill my life with. Of course life is a bumpy road and it all sounds good on paper but I can hold the words close to my heart and know that it is about the journey and be thankful for the word forgiveness. I hope you all have a wonderful New Year. My world is a brighter nicer place because of all of you and I thank you all for being there. Lorrie

Creating Memories

Spoiled rotten, thats what I was this Christmas. Part of my gift was a day at the spa, my mother and I went and had massages on Christmas eve, it was a delightful way to spend the day. A beautiful hand dyed scarf from Lorri Scott of Wayward Threads was a complete surprise and one that I adore, I love her work. My husband gave me a little POGO printer that will be so much fun to have, I'll be able to use it at the trailer, it takes tiny little 2x3 polaroid prints and works off a battery. Along with the wonderful gifts I got was the gift of memories, new memories and old. Having dinner with my aunt, she had cooked a meal in the tradition of my grandmother and it brought back memories of Christmas past. Childhood memories of Christmas eve spent at my grandmothers with aunts, uncles, cousins, in a crowded tiny house, tables overflowing, presents everywhere, laughter and noise. At times a little overwhelming for a protected shy little girl but I loved every minute of it. It is good to remember the memories of the past and I treasure them greatly. I hope you all created some good memories this holiday season.

What now?

Currently I have nothing going on. My life is rather boring and dull, but to me it feels peaceful and calm. This is what I did this rainy Sunday finished reading a book, had coffee with my best friend, sat in front of a fire, and held a warm dog in my lap. I am waiting for the next thing to happen. We leave Thursday for a trip to Scottsdale to spend Christmas with my mother, it will be the first time in years we have been together for this holiday. I'm looking forward to it. My presents are wrapped and under the tree, there is no last minute frenzy to take part in-I am ready. I hope you all are having a happy and joyous holiday season.

Mix and match

As I said earlier I've been cleaning and sorting. Going slowly through things getting a jump start on spring cleaning. I've spent time in my second bedroom, it is full of all my art supplies. The supplies slow me to a near stop, at every turn I see something I've forgotten. Projects partially done, items bought for projects not started. I found this little piece tucked away in the corner and dusted it off, it was something I made a while back and had forgotten about-well it is the perfect home for the little Cathy Cullis doll I had sitting on my bookcase that needed a home. Check out her blog she does beautiful paintings, embroidery, and has a poetry blog. Treasures keep popping up around my house it is like Christmas a week early.

Treasured memories

A MEMORY IS WHAT IS LEFT WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS AND DOES NOT COMPLETELY UNHAPPEN. edward de bono. I've had some time off and we usually go to our trailer but due to weather we are staying home. So instead I've been cleaning, sorting, and throwing things away. Going through "my stuff" stirring up memories. I still miss Lily every day and often think I hear her in the house. I found this old photo of the three of us taken one winter day in Santa Fe. I remember the day so clearly, it was beautiful. Sparkling snow like diamonds, Lily running through the woods, she loved to dig and roll in snow. Crisp fresh air to breath. Good memories and ones I love to reflect on. It slows down the cleaning process but makes it like a treasure hunt full of precious times and moments.

True

TODAY YOU ARE YOU, THAT IS TRUER THAN TRUE. THERE IS NO ONE ALIVE WHO IS YOUER THAN YOU. dr. seuss. It is one of those rainy lazy Sundays. I'm sitting by my space heater keeping nice and warm and thinking about how over all my life is good. Today I am happy to be me. That has taken me some work and time, it was not always like that. Liking myself I find I have to be true to myself and that is something I still work at, it is difficult for me to set boundaries. I'm still afraid of hurting peoples feelings, and need to learn ways to be gentle and kind. Being true to myself requires that I know myself, my inner voice is very quiet and I have to listen carefully. Surrounding myself with positive people helps keep that voice alive and is one of the things I've done to help myself. It meant cutting out the negative, which has not been easy but has been so important for me. Everyday I learn more, for me life is about the journey and so every day has become very important, and not just another step towards some final destination. My photo is of a Nina Bagley charm, you can find her work at Ornamental.

Happiness

ALWAYS LEAVE ENOUGH ROOM IN YOUR LIFE TO DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, SATISFIED, OR EVEN JOYOUS. paul hawkin. Today I had coffee with my sister something that makes me happy. I had greek yogurt with raspberries another thing that makes me happy. What did you to add joy and happiness to your life today?

Touching Heaven

TO SPEAK GRATITUDE IS COURTEOUS AND PLEASANT, TO ENACT GRATITUDE IS GENEROUS AND NOBLE, BUT TO LIVE GRATITUDE IS TO TOUCH HEAVEN. johannes a. gaertner. I hope you are all touching a little heaven this Thanksgiving- all my love to you Lorrie

Precious time

The hours in the day are short this time of year and daylight is precious. I feel that way about life a little bit, time is precious. It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving is nearly upon us and that means Christmas is right around the corner. It is also the time of year that my birthday arrives and all these events put me in a dizzy spinning mood. There are changes in the air this year in our family. My mom has been going through some difficult times and has had to make some adjustments in her life style. It has included much family effort especially that of my sister. I am going there the week-end of Thanksgiving to offer love and support, I am anxious to see the changes that have taken place. Change is difficult and hard to maintain. Getting old is not easy, there is no instruction manuel and it is hard to know if the decisions one makes are the correct ones. I am hoping that these changes my mother is making will make for some happy golden years, time is precious and I want to experience the best that we can. So far my mother is happy and motivated and I am grateful.

Visiting the Mojave

I've been away from my blog for a few days. Visiting the desert and having a good time. Time slows way down during my days in the desert and I got to spend time watching the sun move across the sky. This time of year the sun barely gets up before it starts to set and it tends to make me feel lazy all day. Light is always filtered and golden. Penny Penny and I went on several walks during our time in the desert. There is not much to see this time of year, everything is sleeping or getting ready for sleep. Colors are washed out, muted, dusty. But still we enjoyed the peace and quiet. I did notice that there has been rain in the washes and reading the local paper it predicts that there will be a beautiful spring of desert flowers. It will be fun to return in the spring and see the differences.

High Sierra

Still wishing I was in the Alabama Hills I relived the atmosphere by watching one of my favorite old movies last night. I'm an old movie buff and love the old film noir crime dramas of the 40s. This move called "High Sierra" as quoted from wikipedia "features Ida Lupino and Humphrey Bogart and was directed by Raoul Walsh on location at Whitney Portal halfway up Mt. Whitney". There is a little trailer of it you can watch on youtube herehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7kny3itNYQ. I believe you could also rent the movie on Netflix if you are interested. I have an entire collection of old black and white movies and love to watch them and have them as back ground noise as I am working around the the house. Something that takes me back to a comfortable time visiting my grandmother when I was a child and staying up late at night watching old movies on tv. It reminds me of good times. I hope you all have a good weekend and are enjoying the fall weather.

Moving Bambi

It has been quiet in our home, we have been out of town. Moving our trailer from the summer mountains to the winter desert. It is a trek we make twice a year and usually occurs in the fall around Halloween. We travel with our trailer a distance of approx. 400 miles and do it over a 3 day period. It is not to difficult but we go over many mountain passes and travel through stretches of highway that can be very windy and gusty. Half way through the trip we stay in an area called the Alabama Hills, I love it there. It is at the base of Mt. Whitney, full of rocks and boulders and wonderful little roads that lead to no where. We spent 2 days there this year and I was very happy so was Penny and that is something! During the time there I spent many a moment walking and wandering just getting lost in the largeness of the place. I was allowing problems at home to become very large and it was important for me to spend some quality time with nature to realize the size and importance of myself in the grand scheme of things. The peace and quiet was good medicine for me.

Acceptance

It has been rainy and cold here. I've not gone out and taken new photos but I've been looking through my files and found these that I am posting. Light, color, wrinkles, and textures I found appealing in the aging cosmos of my garden. I am lucky that these cosmos self seed every year and bring late summer color to my back yard. Just like me-late bloomers. These flowers got me reflecting on the thoughts of aging the joys and agony of the process. How at 54 I love where I am mentally and emotionally, I have peace of mind and have worked through that terrible thought process of being afraid of "what others think". And yet I still struggle with what is happening with my body physically. I don't like the "character" my body is developing the wrinkles, sagging skin, the grey hair, all my texture. I do have faith that I will come to accept this it just takes time, talking about it helps and I am glad you are all here to listen to me. I hope you have a lovely week-end.

A Dogs walk

I SAW OCTOBER AWAKENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND IT WAS AMAZING BECAUSE I KNEW THAT I WAS GOING TO BE A PART OF OCTOBER. aldo kraas. This morning I went with Penny (my little Bichon) for a walk. It is her routine and you can set your morning clock by it 9:15 sharp. I usually do not go but this morning decided to join in. The morning did not disappoint, it was beautiful a clear blue sky not a cloud to be seen. I needed the fresh air to clear my mind of a cob web of thoughts that have been jumbled there for the past few days. There is nothing like exercise to ease the mind of its heavy loads of thoughts. I also find that I get lost with my camera and that taking pictures is sort of a meditative process for me-I think of nothing but the camera and what I am looking at all other thoughts are gone. I find that very restful. And so though my body was getting activity my mind was getting a long needed rest. It was a good walk.

Safe harbor

Fall is a beautiful time of year. I love the coolness in the air, the soft feel of fleece against my skin and the warmth of a cup of coffee in my hand. It is a time for snuggling in and making a nest, something I love doing. I love my home. Adventure is great but at the end of the day home is best. I can spend hours wandering around my house rearranging and touching things. I waste a lot of time doing this but it seems to ground me. Especially when I am out of sorts or feeling overwhelmed. I've been learning lessons in boundary setting these past weeks and it is difficult. The first part of setting a boundary (for me) is knowing what my need is and that is hard for me. Knowing and stating my needs has been a difficult thing for me to do. I grew up always thinking of others and thinking that if their needs were met then I would be ok. It took quite a while to realize that before I could really take care of others I had to treasure myself and what I wanted. Today I hold those needs close to my heart and protect them carefully because they have been discovered with great searching. My home is some place where I always feel protected and safe.

For the birds

Indian summer days are upon us in northern Ca. it is hotter now than it was all summer. Yesterday I went for a walk down by the marina and through the bird reserve. There are many a Canadian goose laying over for winter, they are either tired of the long commute south or are wounded in some way. I miss watching the geese fly over in the V formation something I use to do in Michigan. It was something as a child I would always pause at and say a prayer I can remember it so clearly the overcast skies, the honking geese and a prayer of safe journeys. This day was bright and sunny and the birds were busy singing and feeding. I just wandered from pond to pond enjoying the late October light. It is so low in the sky and so warm, everything feels golden, weeds even look special in the light. It was a beautiful walk. I hope you are all enjoying the October light in your neck of the woods.

Dusty Mauve

My hydrangeas have turned dry and dusty I love them, I think almost better than when they are bright and fresh. Looking at my flowers I realize that nature takes time and creates a different stage of beauty with it. I need to realize that it is my inner self that matters and the energy I create with love. Time becomes more precious as one gets older and I'm trying hard to make each day count as best I can. Of course I mess up all the time that is life, but I've learned to forgive myself. Forgiving myself was a hard lesson to learn but it has made life so much easier. I quit taking myself so seriously-it was only myself who was beating me up. No one cared about the things that I thought were so important, life has become so much easier the more I have let go of. Fear held me so imprisoned when I was young and I am learning to let fear go. Nothing has killed or even hurt me yet so I'm going to keep moving forward.

Art and Soul

ART and SOUL is over, it was my first experience at one. I had a delightful time. First of all I got to spend time with my sister, something I love to do and second I got to take a three day class from Nina Bagley and spend time with her something I love to do. It was win win for me. Class was great, Nina taught all kinds of techniques from wire wrapping to resin, we drilled holes in stones, made cloth beads and wire beads, information went on and on over and out of my head. But I did retain enough to complete a necklace and one that I was pleased with. In my photos you will see where I still need to practice with stamping. I did miss being out of doors since the event was held at the Embassy Suite right at the airport and there was no "outdoors" to go to but we were very busy all of the time and hardly missed it. I stayed an extra day and helped my sister with Vendor night when the artist sell their wares it is a busy and crazy time, we look a little shell shocked in the photo! It was a pleasure to put our feet up that last night with our pjs on and order room service a great way to end a good time together.

Dress Up

Last night was the wedding we were invited to in wine country. It was at a beautiful resort set up in the hills above the Napa valley. The ceremony was at 4:30 pm and quest were invited to arrive at 4 and enjoy the views it was lovely. An outside wedding on the deck of the resort, the weather was great the temp. was perfect and the sun made for golden reflections. Dinner was served after-a 4 course meal with a different wine served with each course. Lamb was the main course and I tried quail for the first time. An open bar ran freely and though I do not drink the bar tenders were gracious and kept my sparkling water glass full at all times. Bruce looked handsome in his tuxedo and I was proud to be on his arm. I promised a picture of us dressed up, you can see the vineyards in the back ground if you look closely and olive trees directly below us, it was like being in a mini Italy for the evening. I now can relax for the rest of the week-end and get ready for ART & SOUL, I'm leaving on Tuesday to take a 3 day class with Nina Bagley. I hope you all have a great week-end.

Evening visitor

Last evening I had a vicious but graceful visitor in my back yard. Not being the bravest of souls I used the zoom on my camera to take photos. With the ability of the praying mantis to turn its head 180 degrees it was able to keep its eyes on me the entire time it was photographed. Its praying spiky arms stretched and reached but I kept a safe distance. Probably just eaten its mate for dinner it was none to concerned with another meal and it was moving slowly and seemed to be unaware of the excitement it was causing in my house. Known for its courage and fearlessness I hope that it will leave a little with me because I need to be braver around a mere bug!!!

Sister week-end

My sister is in town and we are having a creative week-end. She is here teaching workshops on Sat. and Sunday but came into town a couple of days early to spend time with me. It is so nice. We don't see each other that often and I miss her when we are apart. Time spent with her is always good for my creative energy and it always gets flowing in her company. My husband left us to go camping, so we have the house to ourselves! We have gone crazy with the dinning room table, paints, plaster creatures, papers, glues, candy and music are all part of the mix. It is wonderful. I'm creating a little book with a bird theme, it is fun to see the pages change as one adds more images and design. I hope you all have a good week-end and have a has much fun as I plan to have.

Rituals

1. coffee in bed every morning on day off

2. ham and rhyme for Penny (the dog) early in the morning

3. sunday morning farmers market

4. daily face moisturizer

5. marshmallows with campfires

6. candles with bubblebaths

WHAT ARE YOUR RITUALS?

Little black dress

I've been invited to a wedding. Everything was going along fine until I read the fine print of the invitation and it said "Black tie appropriate"- my husband does not even own a suit! I've never been to anything so fancy in my whole life. I've been in a panic about what I will wear. Well yesterday I got off work early went to Nordstroms told them my problem and they fixed me up with the perfect "Little black dress". It has wonderful sheer sleeves so my flabby out of shape arms are perfectly hidden. Never dressing up I'll have to practice walking in the heels I have so that I don't trip and fall. One would think I was the bride the big deal this has become! Although I am looking forward to seeing my husband in a tuxedo, I've not seen him in one since we got married. Which by the way our anniversary was yesterday-15 years!! I will take pictures when the day arrives to document the strange and unusual, Bruce and Lorrie dressing up. Have a nice week-end.