Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Care giving

It is difficult to take care of an adult. Especially an adult who is use to taking care of you! I think it might be partly because of my job, I'm a nurse and when I take care of people they usually do what I say. But not my mother. It has been frustrating and a little scary. I'm afraid for her, for fear her pain will get out of control with all the moving she insist on doing. Yesterday she was climbing around in and out of her SUV, the only way to stop her would be to physically hold her down. I finally said "mom you have made me angry and I am slow to anger"-she became quiet and went to bed with a pain pill. My anger is based in fear-fear for her. These past few days have been a learning experience for me in what I have control of and what I don't. All I know is that when I lay my head on the pillow at night I want to sleep in peace. My decisions during the day are based on what I feel I can live with that night when I fall asleep. So far my inner compass is keeping me on course.


  1. You are so right, it is difficult when you are a daughter looking after a parent. My Mum has lived alone for 27 years and is at the moment reliant on us. She chooses to ignore my advise but does take my sister in law's, who like you is a nurse!I'm sure your Mum knows that what you are doing is because you love her and care for her. I'm so glad your Mum is recovering so well.

  2. Lorrie..i smiled when i saw you came by for a visit today...looking after a parent is difficult at times..i went through it with my mom too.....

    and YES ! i knew you would understand the love of a dog....we are the same on this one, my friend....

    sending you love and peace
    kary and buddy

  3. hmmmm...interesting. both of my parents died when i was very young. i never thought i would have to take care of an older person. my husband's parents never treated me very well. we became estranged 25 years ago. his father died last year leaving his very needy 88 year old mother alone. by husband's siblings abandoned her and all her care has fallen to my husband. what this actually means is that it fell to me. i still don't see the woman but i make all of her meals and am constantly finding things to entertain her. i am actually quite good at it. she is still as stubborn as she was way back when and is very resistant to having a 'service' help her. my husband is encouraging her to allow someone to come in occasionally to help her out. i think she is holding out and hoping that her kids will take over but they are long gone and never coming back. at least not until she dies and then they will be killing each other over the will. it's an interesting experience for me since i am emotionally removed from it. good luck on your end!

  4. It cannot be easy for you. You don't really think of having to look after your parents but one day that time comes for some. I am sure that you are a great carer and that your Mother feels deep down that you want was it best for her.
    Warm wishes
    Isabelle x

  5. I so remember the strangeness of role reversal when my Mom was sick and needed my care. Even though she passed away 12 years ago I can vividly recall helping her bath and eat, in some ways comforting to know I could care for her as she once cared for me.

  6. I know it is not easy but you are doing the right thing. Remind her you are a nurse, and a daughter and both personas are looking out for her well being.
    Hang in there.

  7. You go ahead and assert yourself! I am sure you know how far she can go without hurting herself. You are a nurse - so don't let your mother push aside your authority when it is necessary. Be strong, Lorrie. I realize it is difficult for the generation before us to realize that maybe they are no longer in control; but you are there to take care of her...