Disconnect

It is a lovely spring day, beautiful sun, a bit crisp in the air. Yet it is warm enough for me to wear sandals and get my first pedicure of the season. It feels good to have my toes look nice and it felt so good. I stole into my neighbors yard and borrowed her roses as models for my photos today. She has the most beautiful plants. I've finally been able to put into words what is troubling me, sometimes it takes me ages to figure things out. I feel disconnected. My life is good and yet I hold sadness, anger, and frustration inside me. What I feel does not belong with what I experience. That is because these feelings belong to others and I am "borrowing" them for the time being. I don't know how to do things half way and so it is hard to sit with a feeling knowing I only have to hold it and not take it in and own it. Recognizing that I am only holding these feelings for a short time is an eye opening experience for me and a step towards reconnection.