Feelings

Well for the first time in many weeks I worked my full hours for the week. My legs are letting me know but they are happy because they don't have to get up in the morning. I am sitting in my studio near the heater with a cup of warm tea. Tonight I am tired and have rather black thoughts. When I've been able to think these past few days my thoughts have often gone to the conversations of the past week end with my family women folk. We spent much time talking about feelings and trusting your feelings. I realize I hardly know my own feelings let alone trust that they are real or not. I usually rely on the people closest to me to determine how I "feel", if they are happy I am happy. I really want this to change as scary as it might be and how it might rock the boat. I want to start owning and declaring my feelings, believing in them. I'm not sure how to go about this but tomorrow when I am less tired it won't feel so scary.